Justin A. Posted July 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2008 Been Lurking...Tuesday has come and gone... What news? We had a good time tuesday. She liked the stars on the ceiling, and then tuesday night she did perhaps the sweetest thing she's ever done for me - she laid her relationship with this kid on the line so that I wouldn't have to drive her back up there late at night, and then drive back up in the morning for a job interview. It was wicked sweet and tells me that she still cares about me. I got an offer from the place, BTW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willywhit Posted August 9, 2008 Report Share Posted August 9, 2008 Justin, hope things worked out....either way:D <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXvgM4qthII&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXvgM4qthII&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object> Watch Mason Jennings perform "Your New Man" on the Late Night with Conan O'Brien TONIGHT Friday, August 8th. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK in PA Posted August 10, 2008 Report Share Posted August 10, 2008 Married 13 yrs here, since in college at age 21, with two kids, ages 9 and 2. And nope, marriage isn't all 50/50 and a bowl of cherries. Often it's 100/0, and then vice versa. At times it downright sucks. It ebbs and flows, but through it all there's commitment, reliance, and trust. Now after 7 years of serious dating, an engagement commitment, and bakery (?) plans, she has a F-Buddy?!!! Kick that **** to the curb, my friend. Get your ring back, then don't walk, but run for the nearest exit. Go find your own F-buddies for a while to sew some oats, before you decide to settle down again. Sever it brutally (for lack of a better word) and completely. Don't take this **** lightly. To be blunt, you suck up to her with attention and sappy ass poetry to "win" her back after she's been grinding her snatch into another man's jewels, and your ass is hers to screw with for life. She will OWN YOU. I'm not saying it's easy to grow a pair with 7 years invested...but DAMN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted August 11, 2008 Report Share Posted August 11, 2008 Wow! Way to be honest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helmut Karvlow Posted August 11, 2008 Report Share Posted August 11, 2008 There is an old saying as long as George W. is not The one trying to say it; Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on ME !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0ardski Posted August 12, 2008 Report Share Posted August 12, 2008 There is no such thing as an "open relationship" that ends up in a 20yr anneversary. As an "infidelity surviver" from both sides of the fence I doubt the longevity even if you get married tomorrow. Good luck. If it's really unconditional on both sides it may work out for both of you. If she dosen't do snow, cut your losses & run to the hills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slopestar Posted September 26, 2010 Report Share Posted September 26, 2010 So where are things now? my wife, 2 weeks shy of our 10 year and with a 3 year old boy and 7 year old girl, told me she wants a divorce. She loves me but is not in love...I have been a jerk but she is unwilling to give it a chance. She does want me in the house (sleeping on the couch) for the kids sake... Financial issues pending...then divorce once finances are in order.. It's my fault but man...All the sit ups and push ups along with a major attitude change have left her even colder than when we were "in love" Life sux... The kids really like their new (attitude) Dad and that is everything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kieran Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 She does want me in the house (sleeping on the couch) for the kids sake...just say no. that living arrangement will mess them up more than if you moved out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loc Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 wow talk about thread revival! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack M Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 So where are things now? my wife, 2 weeks shy of our 10 year and with a 3 year old boy and 7 year old girl, told me she wants a divorce. She loves me but is not in love...I have been a jerk but she is unwilling to give it a chance. She does want me in the house (sleeping on the couch) for the kids sake... Financial issues pending...then divorce once finances are in order.. It's my fault but man...All the sit ups and push ups along with a major attitude change have left her even colder than when we were "in love" Life sux... The kids really like their new (attitude) Dad and that is everything! It sounds like you two are prime candidates for counseling. You have everything to lose in divorce. It will be the most expensive thing you ever do. And with kids, you will be in each others' lives forever anyway. I would think that your kids seeing you sleeping on the couch will probably give them serious issues. I'd try to work out an arrangement that keeps you in the bedroom somehow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wvrocks Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 She's told me quite a few times that "I need to learn to be happy without her". That's the truth, If you can't be happy with yourself you will have a hard time being happy in any relationship. I was with my first wife for 13 years, 9 of that we were married. I tried like hell to keep the marriage together at the end but it was too little too late. She wanted a divorce and no matter how much I cared or loved her, she had made up her mind and moved on. It really tore me up and I didn't think things would ever be right again. I spent the summer getting to know myself again, reconnecting with real friends, doing what I wanted. Everyone noticed the difference. I got tons of comments on how much happier I seemed. People who I've known for years welcomed the "old" me back. Everything happens for a reason. In the fall of that year I really got to know a person who I knew for several years but always just had a casual friendly relationship with. We were married this past June and I can tell you that its a totally different and more satisfing relationship than I've ever had. What I'm getting at it is, yes this sucks now, but it can be better. Its going to hurt to cut those ties. Use the pain as a lesson learned. You deserve better. ________ Live sex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 It sucks that this kind of stuff is going on, and I hate to see people in pain. However, it is in a weird way comforting to know that it isn't just girls that this happens to. I know there are crappy women out there, but not all of us are that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMK Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 It sucks that this kind of stuff is going on, and I hate to see people in pain. However, it is in a weird way comforting to know that it isn't just girls that this happens to. I know there are crappy women out there, but not all of us are that way. Amen to it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 And good for you guys that have found us! We are a dying breed for sure. Congrats wvrocks, sounds like you really stepped it up for yourself. Slopestar, sorry about what you are going through, but Jack may be right. Ak in PA, hope things have changed for you. That is no way to live AT ALL. And I don't agree that love is 60% BS - maybe I am an incurable romantic but I think if you are with the right person, it's only 20% BS. Got to have a little in there to keep it intersting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobD Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 It sounds like you two are prime candidates for counseling. You have everything to lose in divorce. It will be the most expensive thing you ever do. And with kids, you will be in each others' lives forever anyway. Second that, even if it doesn't work out. The counseling will help you and your wife understand both yourselves, and your relationship (however it turns out). Go to a good independent counselor, not with an institution that has an agenda about marriage. Most of us get married too young, before we even really know ourselves. A tax credit for people who wait until they are thirty to get married, or have children, would help prevent a lot of divorces. Good luck anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 This thread has potential of living a life such as OT: waaaaaaay OT.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kieran Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 "many people have said that getting married was a mistake. i don't know of any who've said the same about getting divorced." - unknown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack M Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 Most of us get married too young, before we even really know ourselves. On the other hand, I married my wife when I was 24. We've done a lot of growing up together and are very happy, 12 years later. I fear for my good friend who is about to be engaged at the ripe old age of 36. He's pretty set in his ways. He has said it's been a challenge. I think slopestar's wife could be suffering the "7 year itch", just a little late. At some point in every marriage, the hot romance takes second place to best-friendship. If your spouse isn't really your best friend, then there's not much there when the romance tones down. A tax credit for people who wait until they are thirty to get married, or have children, would help prevent a lot of divorces. :rolleyes: As long as we're going down the tyranny route, how about licenses for child bearing? Woops, tangent alert! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patmoore Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 only guys(and carver chick ) married more than 5 years are allowed to weigh in here. Forty one years here but I did have eight off for good behavior... Divorce is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. In my case it was after 24 years and the reasons wouldn't interest you. The kids were older - one in college and the other one in the 9th grade and they were more mature about the process than their parents. When I recognized that she would not entertain thoughts of counseling I accepted the decision and tried to make the best of it. During the two and a half year ordeal of dissolving the marriage (with each of us having barracudas for lawyers) I made a conscious effort to be civil and stay on good terms. The day things were finalized I had flowers sent to her with a note saying "For the good times". I knew that we'd see each other at graduations and weddings in the years to come. The rare times we see each other these days we get along exceptionally well. The kids turned out great and one of them has made me a grandfather twice over. In retrospect, the dissolution of the marriage was one of the best things that could have happened to me. As painful as the ordeal was I'm far better off today than I would have been had we stuck it out. Everyone's situation is different and what worked for others may not be appropriate for you. In any event I wish you the best. p.s. Nine years ago I got married again. This time I married a lawyer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slopestar Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement and advice. All welcomed. I am in Mammoth and finally picked up my old school Burton fusion 165, It is a bright star in a very dark night. I feel better about myself and hope that she will attend counseling with me. Things are amicable and only time will tell. Thanks again. I will keep you posted. Let the snow fly please! I need to lay a few turns out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davekempmeister Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 Jack's comment, from my own perspective and experience, is well stated and a little brave even. Very perceptive remark about the need of a rock solid friendship to land on when the intensity slows. Not succumbing to the notion that less intensity is equal to a failure of some sort can be difficult. It's just a fact that the neural pathways won't sustain it. "Make time for one another" was advice that someone (that I respect) gave me when I was first married. Seemed obvious then but over the last 10 years I've come to realize that it takes discipline and determination/will. Yes to parenthood licensing, assuming that I'd be "grandfathered" in and wouldn't have to actually be tested myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 If your spouse isn't really your best friend, then there's not much there when the romance tones down.Couldn't agree more. My mom always told me "Marry a man you can talk to because one day, that's all you'll have". I definitely think you have to be friends above everything and have so much fun with each other...maybe that's why I'm still single. Too high expectations? Slopestar, best of luck and sending positive vibes to you. Take a walk in the woods, it will help clear your head. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowboardworm Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 Couldn't agree more. My mom always told me "Marry a man you can talk to because one day, that's all you'll have". AND thats why Cialis was invented!!! after 2 divorces, both nasty, i ask you; Why is divorce so expensive???? answer; because you get what you pay for and its worth it!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Gendzwill Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 Why is divorce so expensive?Because one or both parties are being a-holes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patmoore Posted September 28, 2010 Report Share Posted September 28, 2010 A friend recently attended the 4th wedding of a buddy. At the reception he said, "Jerry, why don't you just compile a list of people you don't like and buy them houses?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.