lordmetroland Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 I have formed some pretty strong opinions about saltines that some people may find make them uncomfortable. But if you can't take the heat, you should probably go to another location where it's cooler. Or maybe stay in the same place but request that the thermostat be adjusted. If you starting to feel warm, you should probably stop reading right now. Of all the crackers I've sampled, I find saltines to be about average. Not too flavorful and rich, but not too hearty and fibrous either. Pretty much right in the middle. Their piquant saltiness (probably their most pronounced characteristic which may have some connection with their name; saltines. "Salt"-ines) can be exhilarating, but eating too many saltines often brings on thirst. I don't care for them as much when my mouth is dry because they tend to clump in my throat, making it hard to swallow. That is less enjoyable. Saltines are nearly a perfect complement to tomato soup, but fall short of the mark with other soups like beef barley, which go better with a bread-y side. I defy oyster crackers since they are clearly a patent rip-off of saltines, only varying in size and shape. They don't even look like oysters. If I was hungry right now and not too thirsty and I was offered a saltine, I would not refuse it and would probably find it not entirely undissatisfying. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowrider Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Pushing the envelope here. Lock and delete before it gets out of hand ! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lordmetroland Posted October 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 25 minutes ago, lowrider said: Pushing the envelope here. Lock and delete before it gets out of hand ! Ritz lover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
big mario Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 2 hours ago, lordmetroland said: Ritz lover. Listen here white bread, everything's better when it sits on a ritz! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowrider Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 It would appear i have stepped over a line so i must refrain from further commenting on biscuits or crackers of any type. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobble Posted October 14, 2016 Report Share Posted October 14, 2016 On 10/12/2016 at 10:20 PM, lordmetroland said: Their piquant saltiness (probably their most pronounced characteristic which may have some connection with their name; saltines. "Salt"-ines) can be exhilarating, but eating too many saltines often brings on thirst. I don't care for them as much when my mouth is dry because they tend to clump in my throat, making it hard to swallow. information checks out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John E Posted October 14, 2016 Report Share Posted October 14, 2016 My great-grandfather invented Saltines! I am greatly offended - and even though he is dead - I am offended for him as well. THE NERVE of you to suggest that Saltines are "average"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0ardski Posted October 15, 2016 Report Share Posted October 15, 2016 (edited) skibum main staple; right next to ramen & hotdogs i'm a hippie tho, I only do whole wheat saltines, ritz too Edited October 15, 2016 by b0ardski Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beckmann AG Posted October 16, 2016 Report Share Posted October 16, 2016 “And you will know my name is the ,Lordmetroland when I lay my crackers upon thee”. You sling your snacks about like a blackjack dealer, with no regard for anguish or loss. Saltine reminds me of the movie ’Salt’ starring Angeline Jolie. https://youtu.be/eRnoUNwFOkE?t=55s Clowns, particularly hamburger clowns, also have exaggerated lips, accented by their pallid skin tone and flaming hair. Hair of similar color to that of the cute red-haired girl sitting nearby at the McDonalds, on the occasion of a birthday party for a 5th grade classmate. It was while gazing fondly that I took a bite of that mysteriously delicious hamburger. My teeth hit a Minié Ball of gristle, triggering a gag reflex and rapid fire expulsion of partly chewed meat and meat byproducts. The shame and embarrassment was overwhelming; witnessed by the red-haired girl, the red-lipped clown, and the autumn-hued walls that slowly closed in like halves of a giant clam of the salty deep properly stimulated. Years of therapy have made basic socialization possible, but certain words and images bring forth the trauma like rising gorge. So if you don’t mind, keep your triggersnacks to yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lordmetroland Posted October 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 ^ I have committed a micro-aggression. I'm am feeling commensurately micro-apologetic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
softbootsurfer Posted October 17, 2016 Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 Getting 1st Track, is just like opening a Fresh Box of Saltines...for some of us anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beckmann AG Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 21 hours ago, lordmetroland said: ^ I have committed a micro-aggression. I'm am feeling commensurately micro-apologetic. That's really big of you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erik J Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 (edited) Edited October 18, 2016 by Erik J i was putin on the ritz wrong 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
softbootsurfer Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 My Saltine won't do EC... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corey Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Wow, that's awesome Bob! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
softbootsurfer Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Yea Corey, at first I thought I was seeing things, but then along comes this Ritz! in full EC mode, with this amazing counter clockwise spin setting a clean trench... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corey Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 That cracker has Magnatraction! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
softbootsurfer Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 Trick photography Corey...it is spinning at 15,000 mph to match the spin of the Earth, so as to keep the trench from being to deep...I used a hassllblap 2.25 mm lens at 1,000,000 of a second for the Stop action shot here...hoping to try this set up at the ATC in feb. Be Prepared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunSurfer Posted October 22, 2016 Report Share Posted October 22, 2016 Noticed that cracker has no cheese on top. I've found that mature NZ cheddar has great damping properties when the groom gets chopped up later in the day. But hey, if you only get to ride perfect groom you'll probably prefer a "naked" saltine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MountainSlope Posted October 23, 2016 Report Share Posted October 23, 2016 (edited) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG3PnQ3tgzY Oh my, this is a really hot topic... like asking which plate would you mount to your new board Here's a favorite from my childhood! Edited October 26, 2016 by Puhutes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobble Posted October 25, 2016 Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 what is ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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