C5 Golfer Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 I was talking with a friend’s female friend the other day and somehow we got talking about the tunnel from England and being able to drive from London to Paris, France. She chimed in seriously and said” Weird, I thought Paris was in Europe!” A conversation I had with a fellow worker a while back went something like this. (FYI for this conversation I need to tell you I have 4 cars which get driven routinely depending on if it is sunny or raining, two are Mercedes Roadsters and a Corvette) This person saw me getting out of my Corvette as I parked at work. “I thought you drove a blue Mercedes” “I do when it is sunny” “You have two cars?” “No, I have four; it’s one of my hobbies” “Wow, it much cost you a fortune in gas” Got any dumb things people say or you have heard?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarvCanada Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 Recently in a College class, discussing large scale events and their psychological effects on a personal level: girl: "I felt really relieved when they found Osama" the class goes silent oh there are tons... can't remember any others off the top of my head right now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fleaman Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 I had a friend who had a dumb girlfriend Friend and father are replacing the chimney one day, she asks "Does your dad put the chimney up every year?" He had a dog that goes outside and is tied to a heavy brick with a chain. To make it easy to attach the chain to the dog at the door, he hangs it on a small hook. She asks "why is the house tied to the brick?" Last but not least "I didn't know you had to drain the noodles when making Kraft Dinner!" All are true, it is a good thing she put out alot.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thomas_m Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 One of my really good friends back in school was Welsh. He was finishing up his Phd in Math and teaching pre-cal & algebra to undergrads to make ends meet. One semester, first day of class he did his standard intro schtick and asked the class if they had any questions for him before they got started. A woman raised her hand then asked him if he learned to speak English before or after he moved to the USA from Wales. She went on to explain how she was amazed at his fluency... T. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enzo Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 Originally posted by thomas_m One of my really good friends back in school was Welsh. He was finishing up his Phd in Math and teaching pre-cal & algebra to undergrads to make ends meet. As a teacher you hear stupid/comical things from students everyday. A few years back in an Algebra I class, I had a couple of questionable characters ask out of the blue, "So how would I convert ounces to grams?" The first thought that crossed my mind was, "Well back in college ..." :p but then my teacher instincts kicked in and I had to report them to the Drug/Alcohol Counselor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Todd Stewart Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 one of my ex-girlfriends thought LA was its own country, thats one of the reasons she's my ex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gawdzira Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 In high school (USA) she was studying with friends for an history exam. "Where was the civil war fought?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zcarver Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 My friend girlfriend get her first powerbook laptop. Question 1: "Where is the Monitor on this thing?" Respond "Honey, you need to open it up." Question 2: After opening up the laptop she said," Why isn't the computer turning on?" Respond "Honey, you need to hit the power button." Question 3: When the computer powers up, "Okay, so what do I do now?" Respond "Honey, why did you get the laptop in the first place? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 An old girlfriend asked why her turn signal wasn't working. I told her that the blinker fluid was low and to get some from the auto store. She wasn't to happy with me after being laughed out of the store. Playing golf with her she asked why my golf balls said "Taylor Made". I went into an elaborate explanation that they were custom balls "Taylor Made" to my swing speed, clubs, etc........ I could keep going but will stop now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 I installed some tires on a customer car with large white "super sport" lettering on the side. Before I dropped the car off the lift he wanted me to align the lettering on all of the tires so they would all be in the same spot as the tires turned. I work with a guy now who is the station goof. His Captain told him to get to work just a little befor 0800 and his reply was"You can't make me go to work yet- it's only 7:99". He is easy prey! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mphdemon Posted January 22, 2005 Report Share Posted January 22, 2005 OK, my sister is currently going to my old high school (Bishop Guertin). Every year the school has a fundraiser to get money for poor people in Nicaragua. So the school made an announcement while my sister was in her history class. And as the story goes my sister turned to a friend in the class and asked him "What is Nicaragua?" and she said it in all seriousness. When her friend started staring at her in disbelief she replied "Hey it's not my fault I don't speak spanish". Her teacher then explained it too her and she's been claiming that it just never registered in her mind what they were talking about (HA ya right).:p :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C5 Golfer Posted January 23, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 Originally posted by Art His Captain told him to get to work just a little befor 0800 and his reply was"You can't make me go to work yet- it's only 7:99". He is easy prey! He maybe using "Metric Time" - it is tough for some to convert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest silversurf Posted January 23, 2005 Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 A guy at my work was recieving newsletters (or some kind of automated email) from Amazon.com and wanted them to stop sending him mails. So rather than unsubscribing or contacting Amazon.com, he setup an auto-response rule in his Outlook. The problem was that this email was coming from a "do not reply" address, which when sent an email would generate a response to tell you to contact support via a different address. So with one Amazon email, his account responded back, which triggered a "do not reply" reponse, which triggered his auto-response..and so on... So some 800,000 emails later a matter of 4 hours, our email server crashed and Amazon.com email admins called our company furious, not to mention our admins weren't too happy. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed... -c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Gendzwill Posted January 23, 2005 Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 Originally posted by silversurf So some 800,000 emails later a matter of 4 hours, our email server crashed and Amazon.com email admins called our company furious, not to mention our admins weren't too happy. You'd think Amazon would have covered that off as a lot of people set up those auto-reply functions when they're out of the office: they play hell with mailing lists and such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knoch Posted January 23, 2005 Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 So this girl a friend of mine is dating, her freshman year in college, asked me and a group of about 6 other guys what the difference was between a country and a continent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outsider Posted January 23, 2005 Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 Originally posted by Enzo A few years back in an Algebra I class, I had a couple of questionable characters ask out of the blue, "So how would I convert ounces to grams?" The first thought that crossed my mind was, "Well back in college ..." :p but then my teacher instincts kicked in and I had to report them to the Drug/Alcohol Counselor. not cool man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 The best defense I've ever heard for doing something stupid was, "I'm not dumb, it's just a facade"....except she pronounced it "fakaid". I still laugh thinking about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enzo Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by outsider not cool man! outsider-- Not cool? They were 14 year old children dealing!! I couldn't let it slide especially when their parents were on my back wondering why their kids were failing my class! Gee, I wonder why!?! Hey, I learned my lesson from the previous year when several of my hyper students, who I naively thought were just ADD and pepped up on sugar & caffeine, were expelled for possession of coke and X. Anywhoo, here's another stupid story from last week....I was reviewing for mid-term exams and allowed students a 3x5 notecard for formulas. A girl who just transfered in from Texas said, "Huh?? I need to know formulas?? In Texas the teachers just gave us all the answers to the test!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slim Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 This may sound crazy, but I'd prefer to hear some of the <I>smartest</I> things people have heard. Pax, Slim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outsider Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by Enzo outsider-- Not cool? They were 14 year old children dealing!! I couldn't let it slide especially when their parents were on my back wondering why their kids were failing my class! Gee, I wonder why!?! a friend of mine was hit in the face by a soccer ball and broke his nose while playing in gym class. The next period, his math teacher, thinking he looked stoned, reported him to the dean of students. He was pulled out of class, searched, and taken to the nurses office for an examination. Needless to say the nurse deemed him stoned (never smoked pot in his life), he was suspended for 10 days and ended up failing two classes as a result. All because his teacher was a little suspicious, and had a former student wo had been through rehab multiple times. This was not the only occurance of this at my school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patmoore Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 I taught Introductory Physical Geography at the University of South Florida back in the early 70s so I get particularly distressed when I encounter folks who are extremely "geographically challenged". In the early 80s I observed my secretary running her finger up and down a map of the east coast of the United States. "What are you looking for Tammy?", I asked. "France", she replied. "Why are you looking for France?" "I'm driving there this weekend". I thought about this for a moment and then asked, "Where in France are you driving to?" "Montreal" I was discussing travel with a friend of my Father-in-law. The guy (who lives in St. Petersburg, FL) informed me that he had never been outside of the country except for Florida. Non-geograpaphy but really, really dumb nonetheless..... I was on summer break from college in 1965 and working in the sporting goods department of a Government Employee Merchandising store in Maryland. My manager sent me to the back room to retrieve some "left handed baseball bats". The dude was serious! Someone had told him that engraved autographs that sloped left on bats were signed by left handed players and were left handed bats. He was furious when we he realized he had been had. I had been at tech school at Chanute Field, IL for about three months in 1966 and my basic training buzz cut had finally grown out a bit. A girl in a shop just off base was surprised that I was in the service. She said, "Oh! They let you grow your hair long on weekends?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C5 Golfer Posted January 24, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 One more to add that a Compaq computer online help desk was asked: The lady was calling into Compaq Computer help line and asked for a new "Cup Holder" The Service Guy asks " A cup holder? This is Compaq computer" She says "I know, my computer cup holder is broken" He asks "can you please describe it to me" She says"You know that tray thinggy that comes out with a hole in it for the cup" He kinda laughs and says " Lady, that is your CD drive " One more. A friend of mine and his wife were vacuuming the house one day, she is about 65 yr old. The vacuum cleaner was not picking up things like it usually does so Bob starts to take a look at the bag to see if it is full and she all the sudden says "Bob, I know what the problem is! The power cord has a knot in it!" ( You know like a water hose does when you are washing your car and no water comes out) Bob laughed his a** off and couldn't wait till he could come to work and tell all us engineers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maciek Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by patmoore I taught Introductory Physical Geography at the University of South Florida back in the early 70s so I get particularly distressed when I encounter folks who are extremely "geographically challenged". In the early 80s I observed my secretary running her finger up and down a map of the east coast of the United States. "What are you looking for Tammy?", I asked. "France", she replied. "Why are you looking for France?" "I'm driving there this weekend". I thought about this for a moment and then asked, "Where in France are you driving to?" "Montreal" I was discussing travel with a friend of my Father-in-law. The guy (who lives in St. Petersburg, FL) informed me that he had never been outside of the country except for Florida. Non-geograpaphy but really, really dumb nonetheless..... I was on summer break from college in 1965 and working in the sporting goods department of a Government Employee Merchandising store in Maryland. My manager sent me to the back room to retrieve some "left handed baseball bats". The dude was serious! Someone had told him that engraved autographs that sloped left on bats were signed by left handed players and were left handed bats. He was furious when we he realized he had been had. I had been at tech school at Chanute Field, IL for about three months in 1966 and my basic training buzz cut had finally grown out a bit. A girl in a shop just off base was surprised that I was in the service. She said, "Oh! They let you grow your hair long on weekends?" You know it can be confusing if one has to drive to Stockholm first to get to MountainCreek resort (both in New Jersey). The same Berlin, Warsaw and a few other cities and towns. At least we know that Troy in New York is not that famous historic Troy... unless we assume that it is home of Uncle Sam:p I wonder who came up with that odd idea of giving names of famous world cities or names of countries to some "towns of country". That must be very helpful to students... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Tokar Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 My friend was walking along a lakeside beach with his girlfriend, and came upon a sign that posted the hours a lifeguard was on duty. She read the sign and said, "Lake Hours? I thought this was Lake Laurie." From then on, we called it Lake Hours. MT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patmoore Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 A few years ago I was watching a "documentary" on what goes on when Sports Illustrated searches for a model for their annual swimsuit issue. After the final selection was made the interviewer asked the winner the following question. The response is the all-time winner. "How did you feel when you learned you were going to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated?" "How did I feel? How did Louie Armstrong feel when he first set foot on the moon?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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