OT: waaaaaaay OT....

[Paulk]

You mean in the toilet, or in the shower with you, and then stamp it through the drain with their feet?

It was implied to be in the toilet......lost in translation, sorry!

[Mike T]

You know it's over when, while you're in the shower and "they" (He or she), come in, sit down and drop a "steamer".......

Sorry, heard it from someone else, can't take credit for it.

Is that like a "coiler"? :lol:

[Michelle]

You guys are such boys.

[carvedog]

until this conversation moves away from the potty humor.

Here I will try. The other night my wife and I were snuggling in, realizing that the kids were both asleep and it was barely 10:30. ;) Realizing we both might be about to get lucky and things were progressing and then out of nowhere my wife comes up with something about work, my coworkers, a bank deposit ( it shorted out my brain so bad, I can't even remember exactly what ).

I know this is not just my wife. Is this genetically bred in for the females to test how dedicated the male is to the mating or what?

[Michelle]

Let me see if I have this right.

You guys are all fooling around, things are getting hot and heavy. Then she brings up work, a bank deposit??? Maybe it's just because I am single, but that's NOT what I would be thinking about. I would vote no, it's not typical but maybe I'm wrong. I haven't been married for X years, but I hope if I ever am things don't go that way.

[dantheman0177]

a bank deposit

Oh there are just so many opportunities for a double entendre (sp?) here...

[Michelle]

Ah Jeez Dan. Always the mind in the gutter

[bobdea]

until this conversation moves away from the potty humor.

Here I will try. The other night my wife and I were snuggling in, realizing that the kids were both asleep and it was barely 10:30. ;) Realizing we both might be about to get lucky and things were progressing and then out of nowhere my wife comes up with something about work, my coworkers, a bank deposit ( it shorted out my brain so bad, I can't even remember exactly what ).

I know this is not just my wife. Is this genetically bred in for the females to test how dedicated the male is to the mating or what?

hehe, I once got sidetracked and did our taxes when I was about to get lucky, sometimes things suddenly bother me and I can't deal with life if I don't work on them, usually though what I feel I need to be working on is getting lucky or going snowboarding

[skatha]

You know, I must admit my mind has drifted during the act before....

I usually am able to "snap-to", get back on task, and NOT SAY anything, tho

When you spend your life "multitasking", it's hard to stop sometimes :rolleyes:

[bjvircks]

sometimes things like that happen when one person needs to throw a handgrenade into a situation to disrupt it but can't allow their consious mind to acknowledge it.

After a while I recognized the sound of my (now-ex)wife starting to pull the pin.

[Sinecure]

Four days w/out a post. Gotta stoke this thread.

Men are like....

1. Men are like Laxatives...They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather...Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders...You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars...Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials...You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores...Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like Government Bonds...They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara...They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn...They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms...You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots...All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Beer vs. Vagina

1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.

One point to BEER

2.Warm beer tastes awful.

One point to VAGINA

3.A really cold beer is satisfying.

One point to BEER

4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair

between your teeth, you may vomit.

One point to VAGINA

5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a

scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife

may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point

to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal

circumstances. I'll just call it a DRAW for the time being.

6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in

one night and you don't want to drive anywhere. One point to VAGINA

7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may

suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.

One point to VAGINA

8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If

you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. One point to VAGINA

9. You normally don't find old beer.

One point to BEER

10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much

vagina and you'll think you've seen God. One point to VAGINA

11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is

fun. One point to VAGINA

12. In most countries there's a tax on beer.

One point to VAGINA

13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off. One

point to BEER

14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle

or a can. One point to BEER

15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but eventually it

settles down. One point to BEER

16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark,

pilsner,ale,lager,etc One point to BEER

17. You always know how much beer is going to cost One point to BEER

18. Beer doesn't have a mother

One point to BEER

19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you

drink it One point to BEER

FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 8

That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER

PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or

discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them, an extra point for BEER

[Michelle]

You know, I must admit my mind has drifted during the act before....

I usually am able to "snap-to", get back on task, and NOT SAY anything, tho

When you spend your life "multitasking", it's hard to stop sometimes :rolleyes:

I don't know, I multitask all the time and can definitely seem to not do it in the heat of the moment. Although like I said before, you guys are married and have sex all the time. US single people are....well...always hopeful.:rolleyes:

[jdgang]

I don't know, I multitask all the time and can definitely seem to not do it in the heat of the moment. Although like I said before, you guys are married and have sex all the time. US single people are....well...always hopeful.:rolleyes:

Let me be the first to lift the veil from your eyes.....Just because you are married does not mean you have sex all the time......and throw kids in the mix forget about it

[Steve Dold]

Although like I said before, you guys are married and have sex all the time.

Ha Ha! Good one :lol: Yeah, I remember when I was married. We had sex ALL the time! Several times a week! Ha Ha Ha!

[Gleb]

LOL!!!!!:lol:

[Michelle]

Hey, it's all relative. When you are talking 1 year vs 1 week, YEAH you have sex all the time.

[Steve Dold]

If you ever tour a chocolate factory, you might notice that there are no signs posted saying "Do not eat the chocolate". There is no need :(

[Sinecure]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to

tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. "Tony, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with

the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she’s drinking.

[Michelle]

What's the point then?

[Michelle]

just got this in an email, thought it was appropriate:

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. ;

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque buildup.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

[jdgang]

Hey, it's all relative. When you are talking 1 year vs 1 week, YEAH you have sex all the time.

tell that to my wife

[Sinecure]

just got this in an email, thought it was appropriate:

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

Hmmm. I thought you were going somewhere else with this line of reasoning. Although facials usually look better in movies than real life.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

Does that count for self-love too? If so, I give off tons of pheromones. :p

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

And you ladies wonder why we roll over and fall asleep immediately after orgasm!

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

I need to find this printed somewhere in a medical journal. I'll blow it up and frame it above my bed to ward off "I have a headache" syndrome.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Have you ever tried nasal sex? It blows!

:lol:

[Gleb]

I think most of you might enjoy this video:

edit:

go to http://www.gkko.com/videos/3284/sexual-education-video

[Sinecure]

Warning:

Gleb's Link is totally NSFW!

And for you ladies, I don't think there is a guy in the world who produces that much liquid. One, maybe two squirts are all you should expect. I just wanted to get that out there, lest women unjustifiably get their hopes up.

[Aisling]

gleb, where's the rest of the video i was learning a few things

LMFAO!!!!!!