OT: waaaaaaay OT....

[ncermak]

i don't wonder at all. i know exactly why; by choice! :p

Now you sound like that classic scene in "Say Anything" :

Llyod (John Cusak): "If you guys know so much about women...how come your sitting here at the Gas 'n Sip, without a woman in sight, on a saturday night?"

Drunk Punks: BY CHOICE, Dude...

[Aisling]

Now you sound like that classic scene in "Say Anything" :

Llyod (John Cusak): "If you guys know so much about women...how come your sitting here at the Gas 'n Sip, without a woman in sight, on a saturday night?"

Drunk Punks: BY CHOICE, Dude...

Don't you worry your pretty little head about me, Noah, I'm all set for saturday night ;)

[mtnpig]

I meet my wife on a online "Matchmaker.com" dating service. In real life I never would have had a chance (or the patience) to deal with all the BS. Has anyone else ever tried this?

[mtnpig]

I "met" my wife @ Matchmaker.com, an online dating service. See what I mean? I never start out to well.

[Guest Randy S.]

I use match.com. Its been a great way to meet people. I've dated some really nice women that I've met through match. We'd never have met if it hadn't been for match. I'm a huge fan of online dating services. You can see my online dating profile on match.com. My screen name is Sinecure. Let me know what you think.

[ncermak]

Don't you worry your pretty little head about me, Noah, I'm all set for saturday night ;)

Good luck Baby! Hope it goes well...We expect a full date report on monday morning...

[Guest Randy S.]

AKRON, OH—Area resident Helen Crandall, 44, was arrested by Akron police Sunday, charged with conducting an elaborate "sex for security" scam in which she allegedly defrauded husband Russell Crandall out of nearly $230,000 in cash, food, clothing and housing over the past 19 years using periodic offers of sexual intercourse.

A 1993 photo of alleged "sex for security" scam artist Helen Crandall. Police suspect the groceries she is holding were paid for by her victim, husband David Crandall (right).

"It's the biggest scam of its kind I've ever seen," Akron police chief Thomas Agee said. "We're talking coats, dishwashers, jewelry, sewing machines, bathroom cleansers—you name it."

According to Agee, undercover agents spotted Crandall's husband handing her $50 in cash at approximately 4 p.m., just 30 minutes after the two had sex. Crandall then drove off in her car, returning home two hours later with five bags of groceries.

"That's when we made the arrest," Agee said. "After tracking her for years, we finally had proof that she was buying all those goods with dirty money."

During the arrest, Akron police officials entered the Crandall household and seized more than 150 items Mrs. Crandall had received from her husband over the last 19 years, including a four-speed adjustable food processor, 12 pairs of earrings, a matching sofa and loveseat, a box of two-ply kitchen garbage bags, and a portable radio.

In exchange for these items, Agee said, Crandall's husband received sex an estimated 950 times—most frequently in the master bedroom, but also in the downstairs den three times, and once on the floor of the sewing room.

In addition to physical evidence, Akron police have collected considerable eyewitness testimony. More than 250 Akron residents have come forward to report seeing Helen and Russell Crandall together, and several said they witnessed Mr. Crandall flagrantly purchasing items for his wife.

"Sure, they'd come in here," said Ray Greene of Greene's House and Home. "I think the last time they got one of those box fans with the three settings."

Perhaps the most damaging testimony has come from Mr. Crandall himself, who on Tuesday told police that while the couple was dating in 1977, Mrs. Crandall—then known as Helen Steuben—demanded that he buy her a ring worth over $1,000 before he could have sex with her. The first sexual liaison took place some six months later at Bob's Honeymooner Hotel during an all-expenses-paid trip to Niagara Falls.

It was also in 1977, Mr. Crandall said, that his wife quit her job at Shippee Shoes in downtown Akron.

"Clearly," Summit County prosecutor Andrew Dravecky said, "after quitting her job, the accused began receiving money under the table from some other source: How else could she have afforded to not work? It's now pretty apparent that at that point she began supporting herself by providing a certain service to Mr. Crandall."

Crandall's mother, Bernice Steuben, a resident of the Valley View Senior Home in Yuma, AZ, is being sought for questioning in connection to the case: Police suspect that Steuben may have introduced her daughter to the sex-for-security scam after having used it herself from 1932 to 1971.

But for all the evidence collected against Crandall, Dravecky said the case will likely be difficult to prosecute. "Helen was very careful to cover her tracks," he said. "She even got her husband to put her name on the bank accounts and credit cards."

The Crandall case is not an isolated incident, said criminologist John Ohlmeyer, who said there are "literally millions" of such cases across the U.S. each year that never come to court.

"This kind of thing isn't as uncommon as we'd all like to think," Ohlmeyer said. "A woman finds herself in a situation where she isn't employable. Or maybe she has interests like child-rearing, cooking and home-maintenance that keep her from getting a job. So what does she do? She cooks up a scheme to entrap a man using her body as the bait. It's frightening, but it happens every day in this country."

Away. Mysogyny lives on the web.

[dr. sandman]

re. sex scandle:

Dude..............you crack me up!!

You need to hurry up & rehab - I think you're already losing it!!

[skatha]

Hmmmm...I think I'd better turn in my ex- about that sex-for-security scam--afterall, I'm the doc and he was the (very poorly paid) paramedic....

Then again, he'd would have to be having sex with ME for it to be illegal...

Oh well, he's my ex- for a reason

[C5 Golfer]

On Friendship between Women:

A Woman did not come home one night. The next day she told her husband

that she slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10

best friends. None of them knew about it.

On Friendship between men:

A man did not come home one night. The next day he told his wife that

he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's

10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that yes, he had slept over

and two claimed that he was still there.

[PeterC]

Er..ugh....ya...

[Aisling]

lmao , dude that was a funny commercial :lol:

[C5 Golfer]

Disclaimer- I have about 5 Guys/Gals who send me joke emails daily, I do not make this crap up, I just forward them. Some I can not post due to content some of these would have you cracking up. Anyway here is today's that might fit this post.

Gender

You may not know that many non-living things have a gender. For example:

1. Ziploc bags are Male. They are male because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2. Copiers are Female. They are female because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3. Tires are Male because they go bald and are often over-inflated.

4. Hot Air Balloons are Male because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5. Sponges are Female because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6. The Web Page is Female because it's always getting hit on.

7. The Subway is Male because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8. The Hourglass is Female because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9. A Hammer is Male because it hasn't changed much over the last 5000 years, but it's handy to have around

10. The Remote Control is Female. Yes, you thought it would be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

[skatha]

:lol:

[Guest Randy S.]

A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine: "House" is feminine - "La maison"; "Pencil" is masculine - "Le crayon".

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups - male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval:

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it...

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

__________________

[Guest Randy S.]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.

If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complainingabout you leaving it down.

1. Weekend rides. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us

to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it

done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,

for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like

nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless

you are prepared to discuss such topics as binding setback, cross-over/under or a wide vs. narrow waist.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Guest Randy S.]

During taxi, the crew of a US AIR departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

The irate ground controller (a female) screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxiway; you turned right on "Delta. Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!"

Continuing her tongue lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771?"

The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am."

The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state.

Tension in every cockpit at Ft. Lauderdale Airport was running high.

Then, an unknown male pilot broke the silence asking, "Controller, wasn't I married to you once?"

[Michelle]

I have a feeling this post will come alive again right before the SES......

[ncermak]

Its Alive!!!!!

aislings monster lives!!!! :D

[Guest Randy S.]

This thread will never die.

[Michelle]

Don't the fate of men and women everywhere depend on this thread???;)

[Guest Randy S.]

Don't the fate of men and women everywhere depend on this thread???;)

Certainly men and women from coast to coast!

:rolleyes:

[Aisling]

you guys slay me. hahaha

my monster lives.... rotflmao

[C5 Golfer]

Once upon a time,

~~~~~~~~

in a land far away,

~~~~~~~~

a beautiful, independent,

~~~~~~~~

self-assured princess

~~~~~~~~

happened upon a frog as she sat,

~~~~~~~~

contemplating ecological issues

~~~~~~~~

on the shores of an unpolluted pond

~~~~~~~~

in a verdant meadow near her castle.

~~~~~~~~

The frog hopped into the princess' lap

~~~~~~~~

and said:" Elegant Lady,

~~~~~~~~

I was once a handsome prince,

~~~~~~~~

until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

~~~~~~~~

One kiss from you, however,

~~~~~~~~

and I will turn back

~~~~~~~~

into the dapper, young prince that I am

~~~~~~~~

and then, my sweet, we can marry

~~~~~~~~

and set up housekeeping in your castle

~~~~~~~~

with my mother,

~~~~~~~~

where you can prepare my meals,

~~~~~~~~

clean my clothes, bear my children,

~~~~~~~~

and forever

~~~~~~~~

feel grateful and happy doing so. "

~~~~~~~~

That night,

~~~~~~~~

as the princess dined sumptuously

~~~~~~~~

on lightly sautéed frog legs

~~~~~~~~

seasoned in a white wine

~~~~~~~

and onion cream sauce,

~~~~~~~~

she chuckled and thought to herself:

~~~~~~~~

I don't freakin' think so.

[Aisling]

just looking to bring the baby back to page one.... mwhahaha

so Michelle, any new date stories?