skipuppy Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 An 80 years old Arab American man has lived close to New York City for more than 50 years. He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His only son is working in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "My beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would have helped me and dug up the garden for me. I love you, your father." The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "My beloved father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'THE THING'. I love you too, Ahmad". At 4 pm the US Army, the Marines, the FBI and the CIA visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed, they apologize and leave the house. The next day, the old man receives another e-mail from his son: "My beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here on such short notice. I love you, Ahmad." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carverchick Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 Ha-ha...Really Cute Sorry my vocabulary is limited this morning, I've been on Prior's website again, drooling over the new PowStick I am going to buy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 Funny Old Man.... Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?" Sex!!" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while. "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked into the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?" Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carverchick Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 CAKE OR BED A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW. HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. FINE, THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK. I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS. HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.................................... HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED. HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED? SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE. HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE? SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 sinecure.... and carverchick, thats classic as well. keep em coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncermak Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Now back to our regularly scheduled programing... Phil and Michelle - Anything to report from your drunken tour of central america? Rusty and Michelle - How was that afternoon at the TIKI Bar with mom's special NH wine? (phil - you better act quick before Rusty swoops in...) Aisling - anything to report???? and when, For the love of god, will we get the ride report of the Gleb and skipup hook up - come on, guys...its staring you right in the face...at least hook up for one date! - Living vicariously through all of you - Noah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 what a great way to start the am! Arrrggghhh...5 more days until I start walking.... I got a new cam boot from the podiatrist...It a sad statement when the fabric starts falling off your old one from the velcro pulling.... I was thinking..... who is the god/goddess of snowboarding? Doesn't Pele have something to do with surfing? Allee doesn't count as the goddess, even tho she scored the free board Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carverchick Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Can I volunteer to be the goddess? :) I'm cute, and a carver. Sorry I had to chime in. *Goes back to staring at snowboard* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allee Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 ... or so the very gay French guy at the gym told me this morning. I like to scare all the new guys at our gym, it's a kind of sport for the regulars and I. Mama Gena says "we are all goddesses and should be treated as such". But we do actually need a patron goddess - the Greek one is KHIONE was a Nymphe consort of Boreas, the god of the cold north wind. SKADI is the Norse snow-shoe goddess. Or we have THE DARK MAID, the Chinese Goddess who sends frost and snow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdgang Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Me and my friends actually saw the goddess of snowboarding once. I remember the day just like yesterday...1993 Vernon, NJ Me and a group of boarders where hiking a kicker off of Zero G at Vernon late Feb early March mid afternoon since the lifts to crowded (that hasnt change in 13 years) Nice day around 35-40 degrees. All of a sudden the goddess appears wearing tight black stretch pants white half shirt with black suspenders everthing about her was perfect Everybody hitting the kicker stops and stares while she prefectly carves down the hill.....She then disappeared and we never saw her again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 I like Skadi, if anything because the Norse afterlife occurs in VALHALLA, and all the really cool good guys from the movies I like to watch go there once they are killed in the pivotal scene.... In any case, I must have really pissed her off to still be dealing with my "snowboarder's ankle" almost 18 months after the original injury.... And now I must make penance..... Or is penance too Christian a concept? How 'bout "now I must make a blood sacrifice"? or buy beer for everybody(the college penance)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carverchick Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hmm I think I would like to be the snow and frost goddess. I'd like to be responsible for so many riders happiness But I'm not chinese, so being Black and Sicilian will just have to work :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allee Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 All of a sudden the goddess appears wearing tight black stretch pants white half shirt with black suspenders everthing about her was perfect The stretch pants! I had some of those when I first started (I inherited them, as I had no gear of my own). I was getting onto a lift with my friend Kim and the lifty practically tripped over himself and stumbled off under the lift. I said to Kim "what was that lifty doing?" and she calmly replied "checking out you a$$, my dear ..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carverchick Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Haha that's funny. I actually saw a pretty pair of red tight ski pants that I almost bought in Sun Valley. I wish I had bought them now, not that I want people to stare at my derriere :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Okay, I've got a link to further my argument... http://matrifocus.com/SAM02/wheel.htm read....she's got to be a big deal since the Scandinavian peninsula named after her.... I'm also doodling out snowboard designs.... I can use any of the candidates.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allee Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 She looks pretty cool, but I think the guys would be a bit worried if we adopted a goddess who runs around chopping off you-know-whats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 She looks pretty cool, but I think the guys would be a bit worried if we adopted a goddess who runs around chopping off you-know-whats! Only we would have to know that, girl....it would be a private smiley thing for us girrrrrls..... edit: I just realized that the "Land of Scandinavia" pic used looks like a "package"! hmmmmmm..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Can I volunteer to be the goddess? :) I'm cute, and a carver. Sorry I had to chime in. I think this may have been said before, but... This is useless w/out pics! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncermak Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 I think this may have been said before, but...This is useless w/out pics! well said! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carvedog Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 well said! :lol: They get mean without pictures as previously mentioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gecko Posted June 24, 2006 Report Share Posted June 24, 2006 hey I'm still waiting for the naughty nurse photos that were mentioned a week ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted June 24, 2006 Report Share Posted June 24, 2006 and when, For the love of god, will we get the ride report of the Gleb and skipup hook up - come on, guys...its staring you right in the face...at least hook up for one date! - Living vicariously through all of you - Noah LOL!!!!! I never met her but she seems really cool. I've partied at her college though. I'm just defintly not looking for a relationship at all right now. My last date went like this: got to her house, we polished off some moderatly cheap wine then went to the Pheonix Landing. Got a Guiness and thats all I remember for the next hour and a half or so. Next thing i remember is waking up at her place completly soaking wet and we still have no idea how that happend. Interesting night with many missing scenes. Still awesome though. Moral of the story...ummm...have a change of clothes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skipuppy Posted June 24, 2006 Report Share Posted June 24, 2006 Every god or goddess I've heard of has a wicked temper- I don't know if I want to risk that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted June 24, 2006 Report Share Posted June 24, 2006 As Homer Simpson once said.... "Vengeful God....Loving God....Vengeful God....Loving God....Vengeful God....Loving God...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted June 24, 2006 Report Share Posted June 24, 2006 WOMAN'S POEM Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. MAN'S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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