Aisling Posted January 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2006 dan...you also hit on ski puppy... Bob...don't believe a word of what fleck tells you. there is no whip being cracked. But I do cut into my time on snow alittle for her. And Ais...we definitely ride this year. Are you hardbooting yet? if not...you will be when I'm done with you... -NBC No, Noah, i am not hardbooting yet... in fact.. because i didn't get to ride much last year i feel like i need training wheels for this season... anyone want to help me remember how to freaking make a clean heelside? :-p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted January 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2006 :lol: :rolleyes: ;) randy... not nice to put words in other people's mouths. shame shame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted January 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2006 Why Are Men Happier? Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. If this is why men are happy, no wonder we can't figure them out. Michelle i've seen this before and it makes me laugh every time... when i was a lil kid my moms was telling me about the 'facts of life' and she mentioned that thing we have to deal with monthly... so i asked if boys had this particular issue... she said no... they have their own changes... lil me: 'but they don't bleed?' moms: ' uh.. no...' lil me: ' i wanna be a boy!!!!' moms: 'too late darlin... order is in.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted January 16, 2006 Report Share Posted January 16, 2006 Noah, Damnit, you caught me out!!! :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotts.Scheinman Posted January 16, 2006 Report Share Posted January 16, 2006 cant let the thread die! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobdea Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 No, Noah, i am not hardbooting yet... in fact.. because i didn't get to ride much last year i feel like i need training wheels for this season... anyone want to help me remember how to freaking make a clean heelside? :-p and I will ride with you, might be able to help or not depends on a few factors I got a set up if you do want to ride plates as well some minor adjustments can make softy heelsides alot easier I have not been out on soft gear yet this year, maybe I will have a soft free year, it will be my first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncermak Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 maybe I will have a soft free year, it will be my first. looks like someone's got a new handle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobdea Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 is there a way to change you user name on here? :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 damn its still going. Soft free year? damn that'd be intense. Would defintly take getting used to. you'd be prone to shots like this: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted January 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 what the!?!?!?! good lord. thanks bob for the offer... where you riding these days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 She's hitting back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 noooooooooo!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Maude: What in the hell is that? Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Maude: Where did you get it? Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." The pharmacist fainted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted January 26, 2006 Report Share Posted January 26, 2006 If men truly ran the world . . . Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month. Garbage would take itself out. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle". Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps". Tanks would be far easier to rent. Two words..."Ally McNaked". When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off". People would never talk about how fresh they felt. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!". When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you". The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted January 26, 2006 Report Share Posted January 26, 2006 A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad." When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!" ********************************* On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: well built, with dark hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest. She gasps . . . He whispers. . . "Iron this. Then get me a beer." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Pushee Posted January 26, 2006 Report Share Posted January 26, 2006 "Iron this. Then get me a beer." Umm, for a real man, wouldn't that be the other way around? Beer first, iron second? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted January 26, 2006 Report Share Posted January 26, 2006 Who's the man? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted January 26, 2006 Report Share Posted January 26, 2006 i think its time i whip one of my movies outta the closet. Last april, me and my friends from the wrestling team went to Clearfield, PA to eat the world's largest burger. Its kind of a big download, but its pretty funny. We showed this at a show the senior class at my high school put on. best vid there. Enjoy! btw, i'm the one in the army helmet:biggthump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 Received today in email from an old FB: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb... A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and pass gas! Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN Q: Why do! little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts. Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day! And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humor to take it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on thetoilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 : Life is tough. ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy." FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk." FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago , when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him to emergency! "Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted February 2, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2006 those can't possibly be real... please... say they didn't happen ... someone... dear lawd.... :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted February 2, 2006 Report Share Posted February 2, 2006 Q: Why do women have such small feet? A: So they could stand closer to the sink. Q: Why don't women need licenses? A: There are no roads between the bedroom and the kitchen. Q: Why don't women need a watch? A: There is a clock on the oven. Those are just the start. Im not sexist, i just that those are hilarious:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skipuppy Posted February 3, 2006 Report Share Posted February 3, 2006 The Obedient Wife There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted February 3, 2006 Report Share Posted February 3, 2006 i'm liking this! these are kinda mean but oh well: What do you tell a women with 2 black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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