Michelle Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 Putting ideas out there Noah??? ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncermak Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 just trying to grease the cogs... both great people...love boarding. have a great rapport. and I notice you didn't say No Way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 Thanks! Most guys are scared of me anyway..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D-Sub Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 shiiit, mich? you and phil? all day long! ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gecko Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 shiiit, mich? you and phil? all day long!;) TMI!!!! leave them some privacy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willywhit Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 A store that sells new husbands has just open on 5th Ave in New York >City where women can go to choose a husband. As you enter the store there >is >a >list of instructions of how the store operates: > >You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors to the store and the >attributes of the men increase as ascend the flights. > >There is however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor >but >once you choose to go up to the next floor you can't go down except to exit >the >building! > >So a woman goes into the Husband Store to find a husband. > >On the 1st floor a sign reads: Fl! oor 1 these men have jobs. > >She ascends to the 2nd floor where a sign reads: Floor 2 these men have >jobs >and >love kids. > >She ascends further to the 3rd floor where a sign reads: Floor 3 these men >have >jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking! > >"Wow" she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. > >On the 4th floor a sign reads: Floor 4 these men have jobs, love kids, are >extremely good looking and help with the housework. > >"Oh mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" > >Still she goes to the 5th Floor and a sign reads: Floor 5 these men have >jobs, >love kids, are drop dead gorgeous, helps with the housework, and have a >strong >romantic streak. > >She is so tempted to stay, but goes on to the 6th floor and a sign reads: >You >are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this >floor. >This floor exists only to prove that women are >impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the husband store! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~props to dano new Wives Store has opened across the street... > >The 1st floor has wives who enjoy sex; >The 2nd floor has wives who enjoy sex and have money; >The 3rd thru 6th floors have never been visited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 That is classic!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dano Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Boy if I had a nickel every time I used that thread title.... They both DO exist but not wth every girl. I would not believe it if I didn't see it myself, and no it's not pee. Oh and a funny. DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: > > 40-ish................................49 > > Adventurous......................Slept with everyone. > > Athletic...............................No breasts. > > Average looking...................Mooooooo. > > Beautiful............................Pathological liar. > > Emotionally Secure................On medication. > > Feminist................................Fat. > > Free spirit............................Junkie. > > Friendship first......................Former slut. > > New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places. > > Old-fashioned......................No BJs. > > Open-minded.......................Desperate. > > Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing. > > Professional..........................Bitch.> > Voluptuous..........................Very Fat. > > Large frame........................Hugely Fat. > > Wants Soul mate.................Stalker. > > WOMEN'S ENGLISH: > > 1. Yes = No > > 2. No = Yes > > 3. Maybe = No > > 4. We need = I want > > 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry > > 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble > > 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not > > 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later > > 9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron! > > 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? > > MEN'S ENGLISH: > > 1. I am hungry = I am hungry > > 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy > > 3. I am tired = I am tired > > 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! > > 5. I love you = Let's have sex now > > 6. I am bored = Do you want to h! ave sex? > > 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you. > > 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you. > > 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you. > > 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you. > > 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncermak Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 :lol: not sure...but I think that may have been posted in this thread already... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philfell Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Thanks! Most guys are scared of me anyway..... I'm not scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Stop teasing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willywhit Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 :lol: not sure...but I think that may have been posted in this thread already...Dano is one funny beeeotch ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Boy if I had a nickel every time I used that thread title....They both DO exist but not wth every girl. I would not believe it if I didn't see it myself, and no it's not pee. Oh and a funny. DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: > > 40-ish................................49 > > Adventurous......................Slept with everyone. > > Athletic...............................No breasts. > > Average looking...................Mooooooo. > > Beautiful............................Pathological liar. > > Emotionally Secure................On medication. > > Feminist................................Fat. > > Free spirit............................Junkie. > > Friendship first......................Former slut. > > New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places. > > Old-fashioned......................No BJs. > > Open-minded.......................Desperate. > > Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing. > > Professional..........................Bitch.> > Voluptuous..........................Very Fat. > > Large frame........................Hugely Fat. > > Wants Soul mate.................Stalker. > > WOMEN'S ENGLISH: > > 1. Yes = No > > 2. No = Yes > > 3. Maybe = No > > 4. We need = I want > > 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry > > 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble > > 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not > > 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later > > 9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron! > > 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? > > MEN'S ENGLISH: > > 1. I am hungry = I am hungry > > 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy > > 3. I am tired = I am tired > > 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! > > 5. I love you = Let's have sex now > > 6. I am bored = Do you want to h! ave sex? > > 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you. > > 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you. > > 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you. > > 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you. > > 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay :lol: Think what you want..I've dissected 2 people, one of whom was a female, and performed, unfortunately, hundreds of pelvics-yet to see a g-spot, yet to see a g-spot reservoir..... Now it's not to say I don't know what everyone is referring to...I do, but it's pressure on the detrussor muscle of the bladder that you're feeling...thus, if you have release of fluid with this pressure, it's pee.... Interestingly, pressure on the prostate is also quite arousing for guys...I was banned from doing rectals in the ER by the nurses because a lab tech walked in on a patient I had just done one on that was getting a BJ-or did I tell that story already? Did I tell the one about the guy came in to get a vibrator removed? He told me his wife had stuck it there and then left for Dallas, 3 days prior to his arrival to the ER....too bad the batteries ran out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 vibrator? wife? don't think so. Are you sure he didn't come in to just have the batteries changed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, March. 6 , 2006 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM . Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing . Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 OK, this has kinda become the joke thread. *If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.* *(Hardly seems worth it.)* If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.* (Now that's more like it!)* The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.* (O.M.G.!)* A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.* (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)* A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death! (Creepy)* (I'm still not over the pig.)* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour* (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)** The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.** ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")** The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.** (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)** The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.** (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?**)** Some lions mate over 50 times a day.** (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)** Butterflies taste with their feet.** (Something I always wanted to know.)** The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.** (Hmmmmmm......)** Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.** (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)** Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.** (okay, so that would be a good thing)** A cat's urine glows under a black light.** (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)** An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.** (I know some people like that.)** Starfish have no brains.** (I know some people like that too.)** Polar bears are left-handed.** (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)** Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.** (What about that pig??)* Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your** turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to** someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe** even a chuckle)...In other words, send it to** everyone* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Waterboy Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 <TABLE class=tborder id=post86815 cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=4 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><TABLE cellSpacing=4 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD noWrap>Sinecure <SCRIPT type=text/javascript> vbmenu_register("postmenu_86815", true); </SCRIPT> Groomer Grommet </TD><TD width="100%"> </TD><TD vAlign=top noWrap>Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: CA Posts: 97 </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!-- / user info --></TD></TR><TR><TD class=alt1><!-- message, attachments, sig --><!-- message -->.. .. A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.* (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)* .. .. .. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.** (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)** </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE> 50 times a day versus 30 minute orgasm's eh? With such information at hand, one could certainly understand your desire for reincarnation as a lioness or female pig. The muscle-bound grace of a full-grown African lion goes without saying, and the bad-boy sex appeal of a razorback would suggest that these are the penultimate playboys of the natural world, that their raw macho animality would make them the epitomy of any woman's fantasy. Yet I must humbly beg you to reconsider this decision in the light of some further information, for you see, the title of all-time world-champion in the raving sex-machine stakes in fact goes to..... .... a small, and rather cuddly Australian marsupial. (I gathered this vital piece of trivia many, many, moons ago in a Zoology lecture. Unfortunately, I'm buggered if I can actually remember the name of blighter). Anyway... This little wunda-from-down-unda mounts the female and copulates happily away, non-stop, for at least 3 hours. Minimum. And the more extended sessions exceed 36 hours. We were informed that the reason for this astounding longevity is very simple; during the mating season, the males' testerone-level goes utterly through the roof (as an illustration of this, think of a big testosterone-packed animal, e.g. a bull during the rutting season - if you were to graph the blood testosterone-levels of these two animals against each other, the bull's testosterone-level would look like a single-storey house standing next to the Australian marsupial's Eiffel Tower). Given that the human males' lack-of-longevity (I've read somewhereabouts that 2 minutes is the average duration), is an all-too-common complaint among the fairer human sex, one might wish to consider life as a one of these marsupials. After all, what's the point of a 30 minute orgasm, if you never get there in the first place? Or worse still, the frustration of never getting there 50 times a day? (Incidentally that fact about 30 minute orgasm's gave me a sudden insight into why Miss Piggy was so amazingly frustrated that liddle Kermy just wouldn't put out for her; HIIII-YA!). There is however a down-side to life as one of these hirsute Australian porn-stars; the ridiculous amounts of testosterone coursing through the male marsupial's veins causes them to abandon eating and sleeping in favour of the ceaseless pursuit of females, and worse still (from the feminine point-of-view); the males testosterone-levels become so high, it shuts down their immune-response system, thereby allowing any disease or bugs they may have in their bodies at the time to run rampant. Come mating-season, life-expectancy is only a few days. And so, the principle complaint of the females of this species, is not that the males suffer from premature ejaculation, but rather that they suffer from premature expiration, because it is quite common for a male to pass away while "on-the-job". "Euuuwwww!!!" I can hear the female readers think. And so on that note, having patriotically touted the undeniable sexual virtues of my fellow countrymen (well, country-species anyway) I must leave you to weigh the pro's and con's I have presented and to seriously consider your re-incarnatory options. Incidentally; my full commiserations to Skatha's husband on being married to his rehab therapist. But look on the bright side mate..... you could have married a dentist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gleb Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 very insiteful. You seem to have put alot of thought into this. hilarious though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 I think I'm blushing after reading the latest.....:rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinecure Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 (I gathered this vital piece of trivia many, many, moons ago in a Zoology lecture. Unfortunately, I'm buggered if I can actually remember the name of blighter). Hmmm. Curious choice of words. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 *ears perk up*did someone say fireman? LOL Yes I did. He's a FANTASTIC guy! Will you be at ECES? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skipuppy Posted March 7, 2006 Report Share Posted March 7, 2006 Ummmm... that boyfriend I talked about a while ago.. not there anymore. So yeah, given my recent choices in guys I am thinking that this is problematic and I shouldn't trust myself anymore. If anybody knows young people in my area that don't cheat maybe, that would be good. Oh gosh, I need help getting back on the right track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted March 7, 2006 Report Share Posted March 7, 2006 Now it sounds like this thread is getting back on track.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gecko Posted March 7, 2006 Report Share Posted March 7, 2006 Ummmm... that boyfriend I talked about a while ago.. not there anymore. So yeah, given my recent choices in guys I am thinking that this is problematic and I shouldn't trust myself anymore. If anybody knows young people in my area that don't cheat maybe, that would be good. Oh gosh, I need help getting back on the right track. Sorry Tonja, Men cheat, we are dogs the only good thing is that as we get older we realize that we have to behave if we actually want to hold on to someone special...that in turn goes along with improvements in other areas as we age Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skipuppy Posted March 7, 2006 Report Share Posted March 7, 2006 Yeah, I feel really hurt actually. Life sucks. My last week (involved a period, a threatening phone call, a disrespectful ex, a boyfriend cheating, getting sick, getting drunk, kissing somebody and hurting them, breaking up with a boyfriend, which brings us to now- not all in that order) has been the worst I've had in my life. It has actually been sooo bad, that I can't even think of it without thinking of it as an ironic joke. EDIT: I forgot to mention that I found out one of my friends from home got hit by a car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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