OT: waaaaaaay OT....

[Aisling]

i dunno michelle... i can't think of any reason why my dog had to get cancer. why couldn't he just get old and die of old age? so i don't think everything happens for a reason. maybe i'm just a cynic. and i agree... that last statement is a total load of crap! i'd much rather have never known ... ignorance is sometimes indeed, bliss.

[ncermak]

The reasons may not always be immediately clear...or ever clear. sometimes ou can even find in the bottom of a bottle of everclear.

Everything that happens can be a learning experience. perhaps you are to look at your cats cancer, and reevaluate the way you live and the cancerous risks you take? (not to say you are anything but a good clean liver - although previous comments may lead one to believ that you don;t have a good clean liver! :p )

[Allee]

I love my Lavalife. :)

It's just like a new soap opera every day.

Today I was called a selfish b***h by some tosser. I wouldn't send him my pics because he has a kid, and I have all over my profile "no kids" ... so he goes on this RANT about how selfish and self centred I am. It was hilarious, I posted it on the CF forum I belong to for the amusement of the girls. So you have a kid you never see, and I'm self centred? And as for the anger management problem - you're a keeper, for sure!!

And there's another guy called Cameron who asks me if I need a submissive to cook, clean and massage my feet. Ah, sure, dude, do you dress in leather as well??

I haven't laughed so much in months. Too much fun!!

[Aisling]

The reasons may not always be immediately clear...or ever clear. sometimes ou can even find in the bottom of a bottle of everclear.

Everything that happens can be a learning experience. perhaps you are to look at your cats cancer, and reevaluate the way you live and the cancerous risks you take? (not to say you are anything but a good clean liver - although previous comments may lead one to believ that you don;t have a good clean liver! :p )

so is your learning experience to read more closely? i didn't have a cat. ;)

and for the record i have a sparkly clean liver among other internal organs. haha

[bartron]

I love my Lavalife. :)

It's just like a new soap opera every day.

Today I was called a selfish b***h by some tosser. I wouldn't send him my pics because he has a kid, and I have all over my profile "no kids" ... so he goes on this RANT about how selfish and self centred I am. It was hilarious, I posted it on the CF forum I belong to for the amusement of the girls. So you have a kid you never see, and I'm self centred? And as for the anger management problem - you're a keeper, for sure!!

:lol: Well, that explains why women on those sites are so hard-assed and impatient. I'd be too if I had to put up with that kind of crap.

'later...

[ncermak]

so is your learning experience to read more closely? i didn't have a cat. ;)

and for the record i have a sparkly clean liver among other internal organs. haha

message well taken (I guess I just associate cats as womens pets)...and with a dog it's completely different...they should be immortal?

[Michelle]

Even so, with Ncermack's overlooking and generalizing, point is still there. The evidence may not always be clear. I think I just try to make sense of things there is no point making sense of....maybe that's a girl thing? Not accepting what IS?

However, when all is said, I definitely don't see the reasoning in my case. It sucks, there's no reason for it (that I can see), and it hurts everyone involved.

Did I mention it sucks?

[Allee]

Is this the biggest load of c**p ever? And people believe this stuff? It's the best laugh I've had in ages.

I can see that it might serve to sharpen your focus onto the things you really want, but the notion that you just wish and it falls in your lap? Come on. If that were true, I'd be as rich as Bill Gates and I'd get to ride all winter.

I can sympathise, Michelle. I found my ex's profile in Lavalife last night. And do you know what that skanky POS has in his profile? "wants kids - undecided". I am so pissed I could spit, lying *^%&*$^*$. Guess we're still "not discussing it".

[pebu]

All of this talk makes me want to chime in.

A friend keeps mentioning her "dilemma". She's in a relationship with a guy she really likes and I guess he's good to her and everything, but she keeps thinking of another friend of mine (the guy I met her through, they used to date) and she wonders why she keeps thinking of him and she wants it to stop.

I just had to point out to her that those things happen and that personally there are about 4 or 5 somebodys that didn't really feel the same way I felt about them. I still think of all of them just about every day. And a couple are from as far back as highschool. The one, if she felt the same way, I would have positively married her straight out of highschool.

I think the saying should be "It's better to BE loved and lost than to never be loved at all." I know it sounds selfish, but loving someone is a huge freakin strain when it's not reciprocated.

In the immortal words of Beck, "Ain't it hard, ain't it hard to want somebody who doesn't want you..."

All in all, they're in my head now, there isn't any way of getting them out. I just gotta deal with it.

Now enough about me.

You'll get through it Michelle. It's rough, I know, and it'll go on for a long time, but it gets easier with time.

On another note, it looks like my brothers girlfriend is moving in with us. (background: my brother and I work at the same place, he's 4.5 years older than me, so I moved in with him...) I've been seein alot of her and I like her, but still, I guess it kinda feels like the "bachelor pad" isn't gonna be the same. I suppose I should start looking for a place pretty soon.

[Allee]

I think about my exes occasionally. The thing that really freaks me out is, that when I do, I usually get a really strong feeling about it - like they pop into my mind and stay there all day - it happens with my girlfriends too. I've learned when this happens to give the person a call. The last few times it's happened to me, I called one ex (I hadn't spoken to him for years), and he'd just come out of hospital after cancer treatment. I had the same feeling about my ex-husband, but being that it was him, I didn't call - the same day a close friend committed suicide. And the last time it happened, I called a girlfriend whose husband had packed up and left not half an hour earlier. Stuff like that scares me. Not saying it's happening to your friend, but thinking of exes is not uncommon, even when you're in a good relationship...

[Aisling]

message well taken (I guess I just associate cats as womens pets)...and with a dog it's completely different...they should be immortal?

well yah, dogs SHOULD be immortal!

lol

i know all dogs go to heaven.... and if they don't... then i wanna go where they go when i die.

[Aisling]

Even so, with Ncermack's overlooking and generalizing, point is still there. The evidence may not always be clear. I think I just try to make sense of things there is no point making sense of....maybe that's a girl thing? Not accepting what IS?

However, when all is said, I definitely don't see the reasoning in my case. It sucks, there's no reason for it (that I can see), and it hurts everyone involved.

Did I mention it sucks?

well i used to try to figure the WHY of things... then i decided that was a waste of my time. i say 'it is, what it is' A LOT. just accept that it is... i fight for a worthy cause of course... but not many causes in life are worthy.

for instance... if you're the only one fighting for a relationship... then that person isn't a worthy cause because they should be fighting just as hard if they give a damn.

[LeeW]

this is making me think of my ex'es and wishing things did work out with some of 'em.

[Allee]

I honestly can't say that I look back at any of my exes and think that the relationships would have been good for me long term, and I'm sure that will be the case with my latest as well. I'm actually looking forward to rediscovering my single self after so long away.

I know that we all want to meet "that person", but I would far, far rather be single than in a bad relationship. Ais is right - I've always found that great relationships almost have a life of their own. Nothing about them is hard, and if it gets hard then you're both in there fighting. Bad relationships are a pain in the a$$, and so much work it's no wonder you chuck it in.

Michelle, my friend Judy said something interesting to me the other night - "my experience has been that my split ups usually aren't split up because of the reasons I thought. I've come to learn that sometimes peoples disagreements/partings are not necessarily caused by what one might think or be told the reason is."

Guess that's true too, I'm sure everyone here has split up with someone and not told them the real reason why. Why do we do that?

[skipuppy]

What about relationships where the beginning was nothing but difficult but set the ground rules. Can you recover from being with someone that brings the worst out of you? If you, acknowledging this, re-start and re-define your relationship and both work really hard to make it work is it possible or would it be better to just let it go even though, at that point, you can only go up?

[Allee]

It's just my experience that people don't change that much. You're either compatible from the get-go, or not. And I think the very process of breaking up damages a relationship to the point where it's hard to put it back together again. I know some people do it, and make it work, the same as some people stay great friends with their exes. I don't really know how they manage either.

[ncermak]

So give me your thoughts on this...

I have a friend (not my girlfriend) who cannot seem to have a clean break with guys. After breaking up with her high school boyfriend in college she dated another guy for a little over a year. She just recently broke up with him and got back together with original guy. however, she talks to number two EVERY night before bed...and go figure, she is confused! there is also another guy (with some serious psychological issues) who she dated before either of them adding to the mix...

the obvious answer is "god she's young!" and that is true :D

[pebu]

Women... Can't live with em, can't live without em.

[D-Sub]

Women... Can't live with em, pass the beer nuts

edited for accuracy.

[Allee]

Much the same can be said for men, Dave, except it's pass the chocolate and champagne. :)

Noah, I don't know why some people are so GREAT at carrying baggage. I had an ex boyfriend who was the same. He'd dated a lady for three years, they'd been broken up a year, he was dating me and she was dating someone else. And yet every time she rang him, he'd drop everything and rush around to help her - and then curse himself for it. Dude, just say NO! Sounds like your friend is the same. I guess some people are just hardwired for guilt...

[Michelle]

I honestly can't say that I look back at any of my exes and think that the relationships would have been good for me long term, and I'm sure that will be the case with my latest as well.

Like I said, everything happens for a reason.

I know that we all want to meet "that person", but I would far, far rather be single than in a bad relationship.

I HEAR THAT! Which is, I guess, why I am still single......

Michelle, my friend Judy said something interesting to me the other night - "my experience has been that my split ups usually aren't split up because of the reasons I thought. I've come to learn that sometimes peoples disagreements/partings are not necessarily caused by what one might think or be told the reason is."

Oh, very right on. I am sure my recent situation has to do with something else and not what I am beating myself up for.

A lot of people in this world just can't be honest, mostly with themselves which also means with the other person involved. This does not just end at intimate relationships. I'm pretty honest, forward, and blunt. That's probably another reason why I'm still single. I tell it like I see it, and most people (not just men) can't handle that. They'd rather have things sugar coated.

I know some people do it, and make it work, the same as some people stay great friends with their exes. I don't really know how they manage either..

I am really great friends with only ONE of my exes. We've worked hard through a lot of years to make our friendship what it is now, but he is the only one I could do it with. I'm not sure how other people manage it with all their exes - kudos to them! I just can't seem to do it.

[Michelle]

So give me your thoughts on this...

I have a friend (not my girlfriend) who cannot seem to have a clean break with guys. After breaking up with her high school boyfriend in college she dated another guy for a little over a year. She just recently broke up with him and got back together with original guy. however, she talks to number two EVERY night before bed...and go figure, she is confused! there is also another guy (with some serious psychological issues) who she dated before either of them adding to the mix...

the obvious answer is "god she's young!" and that is true :D

Sounds like she is the one with the issues.

[Michelle]

if you're the only one fighting for a relationship... then that person isn't a worthy cause because they should be fighting just as hard if they give a damn.

I couldn't agree more. I used to do all the fighting, and then realized that....I was the one doing all the fighting! The other person was along for the ride, and if there was a victory, I had set the precedence. Both people have to want it enough to realize how much of a loss it would be to be without the other person. It's a shame when they don't, or people can't admit it (which is usually the case) because of fear or their own insecurities.

I've come to realize there are a lot of scared people in this world!

[D-Sub]

I have to pipe in here.

michelle, and you other ladies...your perspectives all seem to be "how could anyone not want me!" Which is a pretty standard stance with both sexes these days.

someone not wanting to stay does not always mean they are scared, scarred, dishonest, not worthy, or anything of the sort. It sometimes mean they simply "arent feeling it" or are not physically attracted...the list of legitimate reasons is fairly long.

Yes, there are plenty of guys who simply don't say "Im not into it anymore" but that is at least in part due to plenty of women whose indignant reactions are something guys want to avoid.

People lose interest. Many of us have quirks and "flaws" that cause interest/attraction to fail. It happens. I just get the sense that far too many women refuse to acknowledge that they could possibly possess these sorts of qualities.

I _know_ I have a few personality traits that make it somewhat difficult to "be with" me...but sometimes it seems like I'm the only one that'll admit it.

I once dated a girl who, within a month or so of getting together, poked fun at me for having a hairy back (sorry ladies, men are usually hairy) but the funniest part is...this chick was HAAAAIIIIRRRRY. She shaved, but man...even almost immediately after she'd feel stubbly almost everywhere..."down there"...her legs...chick even shaved the top of her #!$@#$ feet and she's giving me a hard time about a hairy back?

shiiiit. I never did break that one out because the truth would have torn down her created little world, and Im too #!$#$!@ nice to do that.

yes, there are liars, and there are also dudes who have learned that honesty is NOT the best policy, so they try and try and try to squirm out of something without stomping on someone's feelings, but ultimately fail because its pretty damn tough to be that creative.

[D-Sub]

Much the same can be said for men, Dave, except it's pass the chocolate and champagne. :)

yeah...I know. It's a ****ed up world.

Sad...I recently met someone who is significantly younger. I was elated at first...part of it due to ego (wow, a younger woman digs me! A hot one even!) but also part of it because she was smart, funny as hell, and "nice."

She's still all those things, but after 2 months or so, other idiocyncracies have come out, and I am starting to think its just not the right one for me.

and before any of you react: we have not slept together. Im an idiot, but am proud to say I have finally learned that that step is a bad one to take unless you're in it for the long haul. We've messed around, but...perhaps due to her age...it's been rather one-sided (another facet that a lot of women possess, in my experience...selfish sexuality) and despite the cuteness (or perhaps because of it) and intelligence my interest is waning and I am !@#$!@#$^%$ depressed about it