Michelle Posted February 1, 2007 Report Share Posted February 1, 2007 Oh man, I didn't want to be right about this!!! Sorry. That sucks. But I tell ya, you have to watch out for those guys. I dated a guy like that last year. He told me all the right things, showed me a great time, and just did everything right. I also should have known better, but didn't find out until later that it was all an act. Technically he didn't cheat on me, but felt the same. SAid some pretty mean things just to push me away. So I feel for ya.....wish you were coming to the SES. We could have some fun! I'm sure you could use that about now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted February 1, 2007 Report Share Posted February 1, 2007 Oh S***!!! Sorry to hear that. I guess those elderly married couples are on to something. Time to go snowboarding and renew the attitude girl...get on it! :) :) :) For what it's worth, I concur! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted February 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2007 Oh man, I didn't want to be right about this!!! Sorry. That sucks. But I tell ya, you have to watch out for those guys. I dated a guy like that last year. He told me all the right things, showed me a great time, and just did everything right. I also should have known better, but didn't find out until later that it was all an act. Technically he didn't cheat on me, but felt the same. SAid some pretty mean things just to push me away. So I feel for ya.....wish you were coming to the SES. We could have some fun! I'm sure you could use that about now. yeah i could use that right now... the sick thing is the kid that blew the whistle on this whole thing was friends with the other girl... he told her first. she got mad but apparently not mad enough to tell the dirtbag off... then i was told... and i wanted to talk to her ....she wouldn't answer me so i left a voicemail saying i knew what went on and if she wanted a liar and a cheat she could have him... so then she got mad at the kid who informed us both and won't talk to HIM! i feel bad cause i threw him under the bus to get to her but to be mad at him is stupid. she's stupid to think that this ****bag will be anything different with her if thats what she is thinking anyway. whatever. i'm sick of it all. really. i'm so done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted February 2, 2007 Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 Just don't do anything drastic like joining a convent or starting to bat for the other team! It would be a great loss to all the decent single guys out there, one of whom is no doubt lamenting his own situation right at this moment and it is just a matter of you both finding one another. Keep searching. He is out there somewhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 2, 2007 Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 Just don't do anything drastic like joining a convent or starting to bat for the other team! It would be a great loss to all the decent single guys out there, one of whom is no doubt lamenting his own situation right at this moment and it is just a matter of you both finding one another. Keep searching. He is out there somewhere! Yeah, easy for you to say Dan "Engaged guy". It's much harder than you think, and there are more of those guys out there than you would imagine. In fact, I have to say the majority of the men I have encountered are pretty much scum. Some of present company excluded, but you hard booters already know you are a small percentage of the whole and we love you Aisling, this guy and his friends seem extremely immature. They have no idea what a true friend is. This guy that blew the whistle, I commend him. He saw a terrible thing happened, and wanted it to end. Threw him under the bus? To who? An immature girl who has no self respect by dating a cheating guy that has no respect for her? i think you did yourself and him a huge favor. What an A-HOLE! I will admit I'm not perfect and have done some things in the past that I am not proud of, but since have seen the light and found out the meaning of a true friendship, as well as a true relationship. It's certainly not that. I know it sucks right now and sounds like a cliche, but you are sooooo much better off now darlin'. You deserve better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 2, 2007 Report Share Posted February 2, 2007 Yeah, I've heard it all before and I used to think that way. When it happens over and over, with whatever positive attitude you can bring into it and it still happens, at some point it's like beating a dead horse. You trust someone, and they take it for granted. What's the choice? So the next time you don't trust them, and you miss out. Then you trust them, and you get crapped on again. I'm either doing something wrong, or have just had an unbeliveable, inconceivable, almost remarkable string of bad luck. But yes, Aisling, please don't take my advice. You certainly don't want to end up like me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted February 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2007 Well, there you have it...with that attitude you have no chance.And believe me, I have been burned plenty of times before...my last girl of three and a half years cheated on me with her yoga instructor, who surfed the same break as I did, and I overheard him talking about it one day while out on the water...he didn't know who I was obviously. The point is, with that and other experiences, I could easily come to the converse of the conclusion you did...but life goes on, you just move on and learn from it, try to see your part in what happened, grow from it, and try again. By the way, the woman in question and I are now good friends. Life is too short to carry around grudges and look at a whole section of the population sideways because you made a bad choice. Take break Aisling, learn from what happened, and by that I mean learn how YOU can do better, then get back on that GD horse and RIDE sister!!! my part in what happened was trusting and believing a person who had hurt me before in more ways than one...but this time was sooo different... said he loved me, we spent christmas with his family and new years together and we talked about the future and vacations, etc... and i believed in all this fantasy until i got slapped in the face by reality in finding him lying and cheating on me. so my problem is always trying to see the best in people... even when they don't deserve that. am i supposed to change that? become jaded? i dont know... i'm at a loss here... and his own mom told me she loves me and she loves her son , but she doesnt like the person he is in the fact that he hurts anyone who cares about him. those are harsh words from a mom... and i kinda wish she maybe woulda said that before i decided to give him another chance... but she was fooled as well... thought pinocchio had become a real boy and wasnt lyind his ass off anymore... oh well... karma's a bitch. and if someone continues using and abusing people it will come back around and bite them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 3, 2007 Report Share Posted February 3, 2007 Oh dear....seeing a bit of myself in Wavechaser's post..... I think I am with Aisling. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt, when all along I should listen to the gut feeling. I guess I've become jaded after so many heartaches (more than the average person at this point). At some point you have to stop beating yourself in the head. I had someone point out the same thing to me just a few months ago - that maybe it's the type of guys I pick. Not that I know this at the time, but thinking back all my guys have "issues" of some sort and openly admit them. Yes, we all have issues but these were always pretty big but I think I am a super strong person, and I can handle it (of course, I probably meant fix them and they'll love me more because I fixed them - florence nightingale???). So now I am trying to consciously NOT choose those types of people, and only pick the ones who are happy with themselves. I find that Very hard to find, and even harder to sort through and see the real picture! Yes, it's easy to say that and I'm sure everyone out there says that, but it's the sorting process where we all get lost. WOW I find that very hard! Finding people who actually say and do the same thing, and mean it is almost impossible. I have become content being single, being who I am, and I'm pretty happy! Yeah, go ahead, say it. "Now is when someone will come along, when you least expect it". Been there, done that and he was one of THOSE, and yes, I trusted him. My fault??? Aisling, best of luck healing hon. I hope it's not too long of a process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jnshapiro Posted February 3, 2007 Report Share Posted February 3, 2007 Yes, it's easy to say that and I'm sure everyone out there says that, but it's the sorting process where we all get lost. WOW I find that very hard! Finding people who actually say and do the same thing, and mean it is almost impossible. This part jumped out at me. It might be beneficial to change the places where you hang out and maybe even the folks you do things with. That will bring you into contact with a different group of people and you'll have a better chance of meeting someone (depending of course on where you decide to hang out - bars won't be good!). It would help if you could figure out what you want in an other half, and then go to those places where people like that are. It'll take you way outside your comfort zone, but that can often be good. I met my wife in college. While we both have issues, we've done pretty well the past 19 years (married for 14 of them almost). Neither of us tries to change the other and we're pretty happy with who we are. Lots of communication and talking helps too. It's not so easy to find and meet the right person. I know some that went about it with purpose and they've been very happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 Jeez, I'm away for a day and look what happens.... OK, now Wavechaser is no doctor and I'm no psych-analyst, but I think it's pretty simple (in a very complex kinda way) and he's pretty close to it. Michelle, who says Aisling doesn't want to end up like you? What? She doesn't want to end up being an attractive, outgoing girl with a great personality, such a wide variety of interests so as to never be bored and an obvious caring and loyal streak? Nah, I wouldn't want any of my female friends ending up like you either!!! (Insert expeletive for emphasis here), just because you are single doesn't mean you are broken. In fact who has the right to say there is even anything that needs to be fixed? Aisling, start to find a positive in everything. OK, here's a bit of a long winded simile, but it has seemed to work. One of the girls I help coach (she is also my flatmate) had a very bad habbit of always focusing on the most negative aspects of her life. She didn't have a man, she didn't have a permanent job, she didn't get selected for representative teams, she got beaten in a race, she was always broke. Everything was negative. And to make matters worse, one of her "best friends" was even worse, so when the two of them got together you would swear things were so bad the world was going to end. So I started to get her to focus on the good things. She is an attractive girl. She is professionally qualified and has experience in her field. She was doing all the right things in training and not to worry, the results would come in competition at the right time. You know the drill. But she persisted with a "the world is against me" mind set. At the end of August last year I got thoroughly fed up with it. So I refused to allow any negative comments to be made inside our house. As soon as she would say something negative, I'd ask "but Lisa, what's the positive to come out of that?" What happened? She had to think of positive things to come out of every experience and slowly her attitude changed from a "can't do" to a "why the hell not". Now she has an awesome boyfriend. She secured herself a permanent contract for her job. She hasn't lost a race all year and actually now believes that she can win the national title (and she can)! On the weekend she even bought herself a block of land! Not bad for someone who was broke, couldn't find a guy and all the one who she did find would crap on her, couldn't do any good in her sport, couldn't get a job. Start to think about all the good things you have. All the good points about yourself. And start to portray THAT person, not the negative one. Don't dwell on the negatives, what's gone wrong and that the same thing is likely to happen again and again. Cos if you do, that's exactly what will happen. Stand up and focus on all the positives, because I guarantee I could find at least one positive out of every negative situation you could come up with, so I know you can do that too. And if you start to think positive, you will act positive and exude positive and the right kind of positive guys will pick up on that. The moral of my rambling? It pretty much extends from what Wavechaser mentioned about looking for different kinds of guys. You know, find a guy that you respect for what he does, how he acts. Don't just go for the one that treats you nice when you are alone or he wants something from you. Look outside your usual square. Don't just go for the hot looking one (although of course, all other things being equal, go for the hottie every time!) The guy who you "threw under the bus" might be a good starting point. I'm not saying him personally, but someone with that kind of attitude and morality and loyalty to his friends is likely to have friends with a similar mind set, who are likely to have friends with similar attitudes. You know where I'm going. Just remember, we all know you as a wonderful, funny, attractive girl with so much going for her. Let the rest of the world see it too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wavechaser Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 Amen to ALL that Dan...I've recently had some friends giving me grief about being single. I gotta say that it IS a really horrible life I have...running my own business, racing snowboards and kayaks, playing guitar, traveling...just horrible! But I have been dating some really nice women and having a great time without any relationship ties - mostly just snowboarding, kayaking or going to concerts. Basically just enjoying the heck out of my new found positive attitude and confidence in myself the last three years, at age 44. What a great life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skipuppy Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 you could move to reno and chill with my mom ... she likes kayaking, skiing and going to concerts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted February 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 i'm not feeling sorry for myself nor do i think anything bad about myself here.... its the dirtbag who lied and cheated i think badly about. the only bad thing i hit myself on the head with is WHY did i believe this guy? when my instinct was telling me he was lying why didn't i just follow that and jump ship? because as i said, my downfall is trusting and wanting to believe the best about people. i won't let it jade me nor will i treat others unfairly... however you brought up a good point... people's friends are a basis on who THEY themselves are... one of his best friends cheated on his wife and is goin through a divorce, another guy he hangs out with is downright disrespectful to women. GO FIGURE. i know i'm a beautiful, funny, intelligent woman... i'm probably alot to handle, but i'm worth it! and i don't deserve to be lied to, cheated on or emotionally/verbally/physically harmed. i know all that stuff. but thank you anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wavechaser Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 you could move to reno and chill with my mom ... she likes kayaking, skiing and going to concerts LOL - thanks for the offer! Only one problem - I stayed in Reno for the USASA Nationals last year and I couldn't get out of there fast enough...not my kind of town at all...but the day trip up to the Black Rock Desert was WAAAY cool!! Tell her I'll be at Northstar (staying there too this year) for the Nationals again the first week of April if she wants a blind date!! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 if she wants a blind date!! :) OMG!!! This thread might finally achieve something tangible (ie: an actual, certified, confirmed DATE) after all this time!!! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted February 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 im coming to australia. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted February 6, 2007 Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 im coming to australia. lol I've told you that you are welcome. I even have a spare room at the moment! And the weather has been great lately?. Surf is up, water is warm, good looking people are strutting about in minimal clothing. All is good in Oz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted February 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 well i can't come directly at the moment... school and work... but i was looking at may perhaps? whats the weather like around then? fall? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dantheman0177 Posted February 6, 2007 Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 It's not too bad, starting to cool down a bit but generally fairly moderate. Actually in May I will be in the UK. I'm going over to London for a year or two to work and we leave mid-April. Still, if you want to come down under, I'll make sure you know where to go and who to meet. I'm sure Auzzie Adam would look after you if you came down this way (just ask Michelle, she likes him). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 6, 2007 Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 I'm sure Auzzie Adam would look after you if you came down this way (just ask Michelle, she likes him). Hey, wait a minute!! Ok, Aisling, he's a cutie for sure! But not too into the hard boot snowboarding thing. As a soft booter, I think you could stand him :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 6, 2007 Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 i'm not feeling sorry for myself nor do i think anything bad about myself here.... its the dirtbag who lied and cheated i think badly about. the only bad thing i hit myself on the head with is WHY did i believe this guy? when my instinct was telling me he was lying why didn't i just follow that and jump ship? because as i said, my downfall is trusting and wanting to believe the best about people.i won't let it jade me nor will i treat others unfairly... however you brought up a good point... people's friends are a basis on who THEY themselves are... one of his best friends cheated on his wife and is goin through a divorce, another guy he hangs out with is downright disrespectful to women. GO FIGURE. i know i'm a beautiful, funny, intelligent woman... i'm probably alot to handle, but i'm worth it! and i don't deserve to be lied to, cheated on or emotionally/verbally/physically harmed. i know all that stuff. but thank you anyway Amen sister! I have to agree with Aisling. I guess you guys always hear about the negative stuff, but yeah - what a life! Travling for work and play, living in a BEAUTIFUL place, tons of things to keep me busy. I'm not an unhappy person at all! just sometimes I kick myself for doing stupid things, and it seems, why can't I learn? And you are right Aisling, no one deserves to be treated unfairly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wavechaser Posted February 6, 2007 Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 C'est la vie! That's why I said you have to get back on that horse and RIDE - no matter how many times you get thrown off! I try to remind myself that as an educated, white, 6'3", blond, american, male I have EVERY advantage one could want in this world, without even raising a finger. So it is my duty to make full use of and enjoy that position, and to not let anything get me down if possible. How lucky we are in this country! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncermak Posted February 6, 2007 Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 somebody please catch me up on things in here... also, Aisling, Are you coming over to Ski Ward in Shrewsbury tonight to Watch all of the boston area kids hit the gates??? could be a good opportunity for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wavechaser Posted February 6, 2007 Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 somebody please catch me up on things in here... Aisling was like "I'm tired of dating a$$holes" - and then we were all like "blah blah blah" for about a YEAR - and then she was like "I met this great guy" - so we're all like "cool" -and then she's like - "he's a dirtbag" - and we're all like "not cool - but shine it and ride" - and she's like "I might go to Australia" - and we're like "life is good" - and then Noah was like "whatz going on". Capiche? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisling Posted February 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2007 lol, too funny on the catch up bit there.. sorry i couldn't do anything fun tonight i had class :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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