C5 Golfer Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 Diary of a Snow Shoveler December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life. December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying. December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0o. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow. December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her. December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27: Temperature dropped to -30o and the pipes froze. December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!! December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allee Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 Does he live in Calgary? It's not the end of December yet, and already I've shovelled my drive more times than I did for the whole of last winter. At least it's supposed to be -15C today. Much better than the -23C or colder it's been for the last 11 days. By the time it gets to -9C we'll all be drinking on the patio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr D Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 What a pussy! everybody knows you don't shovel until the 4x4 gets stuck. If he was snowboarding instead of shoveling he wouldn't have half the problems. (note: make sure the wife is 4x4 qualified and fitted with studs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingCrimson Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 I could've sworn only punks liked studs, but if your wife does that's cool..I think. If I want to shovel snow, I have to wait until about January 10, and get up at 4 in the morning and scrape the occasional fleck of frost off the roof with a putty knife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr D Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 not the joke I was expecting but that works to I guess:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhaskins Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 Too much time on your hands C5. Get a hobby, knitting or something. Volunteer with the local shelter for unwed mothers or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Dahl Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 Too much time on your hands C5. Get a hobby, knitting or something. Volunteer with the local shelter for unwed mothers or something. Or come shovel off my roof..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingCrimson Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 You guys crack me up. With your salt and your ice and your snowplows and whatnot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhaskins Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 Should we throw in torrential rain and mudslides with out of control wildfires and drought? Feel at home then? Rick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C5 Golfer Posted December 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2008 Too much time on your hands C5. Get a hobby, knitting or something. Volunteer with the local shelter for unwed mothers or something. It is just cut and paste-- I am not the author, just the messenger. Don't shoot me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhaskins Posted December 24, 2008 Report Share Posted December 24, 2008 Its great. Its all good. Rick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0ardski Posted December 24, 2008 Report Share Posted December 24, 2008 got a new snowblower last week na-na-na na-na:p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carvedog Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 Christmas morning. 20 inches. Snowblower won't start. Into the shop we go. 45 minutes and three different things adjusted and cleaned, the blower starts. Yeahhhhh.. Hit the four foot berm the plow has left and snow somehow packs into the drive mechanism meaning it is no longer self powered. half hour later all is cleared, unfrozen and we are able to start blowing. Stop so the kids can open their stuff. Breakfast. Dammit don't they know I am trying to think about getting to the hill. 11 am now. One hour later I am finished with my side of the driveway. Hey Honey can you find the keys to your studded tired, 4wd ? 12:30. Missus Carvedog can no find the keys to her car. Which means I either have to blow it into the tree the other side of her car and hope it doesn't backslide into the car or shoot it to the other side which is already full almost. 1:30 pm Finally get the car moved with the backup key which was also lost. Kids are hungry again. 1/2 hour break for lunch. And then they want to know Why aren't we going skiing Dad? It was still a great day. I think they had most of the mountain shut down for avie control and I am on my way now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhaskins Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 I have a uniformed attendant come and clean my driveway at nite so it is ready the next morn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingCrimson Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 Should we throw in torrential rain and mudslides with out of control wildfires and drought? Feel at home then?Rick Torrential rain? Try..small puddles, mannnn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhaskins Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 Hey, I was out there during the winter of 04/05. Nothing but water. And the summer of 06, nothing but burning. I was in Temecula and there was smoke all over the horizion. Daily high of 107 F. Puddles? is that the name of your dawg? Rick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingCrimson Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 Temecula and smoke all over the horizon is a clear day. When the sky is brown and you cough up blood, it's still a nice day. Usually stuff doesn't burn till October. Most kids get snow days, we get ash days every few years. Takes a while for everything to grow back. Water right now, but it sure isn't from torrential rains. Sure, it rains sometimes, we are next to the ocean. I think the solution is...come to San Diego, where it doesn't suck and lung cancer isn't normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhaskins Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 I think the Temecula Chamber of Commerce wants to talk to you. Rick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derf Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 I think I read this both in French and English every year since I've had the internet. It never gets old. I wish I had that much snow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.