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New Line of Alpine Boards!!!


Erik J

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I'm happy to see that this genius design has not gone unnoticed. I'll answer questions in the order that they were given...

Wow...I bet that's in the price range of a Tinkler?

$2000 bid, but only if you include the log next to it - I need a de-tuned park stick too.

the thought process alone is $2000 per minute

Is this better than a Burton? Would this be an upgrade from a FP or UP?

I would certainly hope so, but I've never heard of this company - are they new?

wait... those dampening panels are mounted asym. I'm out.

Fear not - when you place an order - I download your thought patterns and biomechanics onto my ipod - from there the on-board "smart board" system takes over. It knows what to do before you do. Why just this morning my super ultimate board was out in the rain changing the oil in my car - then it made me breakfast. This happened before I even woke up!

You are all idiots! You have no idea what this new technology will do. Burn every board you own and embrace the Piney Sweetness!

Anybody Disagrees with that, I'll just start my own forum and leave here dramatically!

These are available on ebay - item # 270230807028

No bids yet! Get them at a steal! Not my auction, but I am hoping one of you gets lucky!

BBBBBBBBBBBBBWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I THINK MY HEAD JUST EXPLODED

What...600 people look at this thread and nobody sends me money?

Ludicrous, I say!

you are obviously a higher life form to recognize genius design when you see it.

WOW! What an amazing piece of craftsmanship. I have always been a sucker for wood boards. I am seriously considering putting in a pre-order but I was wondering if you could make me a custom 8' and call if the fornicator? 8' of solid pine is sure to intimidate all the jibbers.

Also are those custom fabricated trench digger plates mounted to the tip and tail for slicing extra deep trenches on icy days?

not just any wood - it's PINE. It smells nice too. 8' is gonna cost ya. We'll have to wait for the tree to grow that extra two feet and I get paid by the hour, soooooooooo....... Talk to me in about 2011. I'll let you know what you owe me.

The plates are called smart plates - they're so smart that I can't even describe them. IO don't even know what the yare and I made them. That's how good you can expect them to work.

I believe if you look in the rules for this forum, It says: no Bong Hits while posting...
....I believe if you look in the rules for this forum, It says: no Bong Hits while posting...

NOW who's right????????

Well, I just checked out the ebay auction and noticed that these fine boards are NOT being shipped w/any tuning devices. Erik, if you are willing to throw in a couple of wood chisels in every shape and size, I will place my special order for delivery in 2018! I am ready to sell off my coiler and madd and feel it is time to revamp my quiver with this amazingly awesome piece of craftsmanship you've designed. Also, you may want to consider throwing in a box of galvinized nails, some decking screws and some old tires for excellent dampening that can be added or removed and the user's sole discretion:D

I look forward to doing business with you:p

I would be happy to accomodate your needs for a special reduced price of $10,000 (does not include shipping, interstate water tax, foliage fees, master-craftsman markup or staff training to get this request out the door)

It was a pleasure doing business with you as well, simply post your social security # and all of your credit card information here on bomber. Please include the name address and credit card info of any vulnerable elderly people that you know.........as a reference.

bolt some binders on that old water ski and I'll see what she'll do...:rolleyes:

goo blobly farnswey octoplut - if ya kow what I mean

is Bruce reading this? he could really get a head start on this technology.

It's too late. I've already saturated the market. I'm moving on to yet another brilliant idea.

I like the fact that I could run low angles on the super ultimate metal - You may be seeing my Prior on the classifieds. I'm thinkin' "Super Ultimate" may be THE quiver killer - just sayin':cool:

It will actually kill your quiver. The super ultimate hates competition and has a real jealous streak.

Is number 5 an acemetric?

No, but you must specify regular or goofy. I can't explain it.

Yeah, the Slalom board requires some pretty badass knee inuring skills.

Think you could make a Swallowtail? I think it might involve a sawzall.

No sawzall needed. I'll catch a coupla birds and bust out the nail gun. Hell, we could go full on Peacock or Turkey tail if you want. I'll send a side of wing sauce too. That'll be 25 G's. Thank you, please pull around to the drive thru.

just when you thought they could not add any more value to these fine boards, I have been contracted to treat all wood used in these breath taking works of art against current and future insect damage

bring the good stuff

which one would you recommend for me?

I am 180 cm and about 80 kilos

I have never carved in softboots

since the nail system seems very versatile I could use that old pair of Burton bindings from the garage on this one ...

You'll need all of them, with backups just to be sure. Trust me, I know how to take care of my customers. You'll be so happy you won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror anymore. Send me whatever money, possessions and family you have and we can get started.

again thanks for the interview I got earlier from someone claiming to be the owner of the company so that post about it is here

That must have been one hell of an interview. I don't even remember it. Now.........let's talk royalties.

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To further solidify my place in history among snowboardings greatest - I am going to share my tools of the trade. NOT ONLY THAT, but if you send me three easy payments of $15,000, I will show you how to use these tools of the trade.

Now....please understand that this type of work is not for everyone. I am an artrist, an engineer, a man of the world. I can show you the tools and how to use them, but it's up to you to make the magic happen. If you think you can handle that, simply send me the money and join me in transforming the entire snowboard industry into something that even your snowboard never saw coming.

Ladies and gentlemen.......I give to you......the tools of my craft. (please limit fan mail to no more than 73 pages)

after some careful research and snooping, i found the REAL tools.

eidoBong.jpg

crack-pipe.jpg

mushrooms-topper.jpg

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I have to ask, will my new boots work?

I'm really happy with them. Instead of that silly BTS, they've got fully adjustable Achilles tendons, 2 tone SoCal winter tan, and they are even Intec compatible! You have to be careful with the old Burton 2 pin-stepins, because they can hurt when you try to click in. Ride/Walk adjustments feel so natural, that it's unbelievable!

The lean is so easy to adjust too, the best in the industry.

post-7057-141842256779_thumb.jpeg

post-7057-14184225678_thumb.jpeg

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A name for my boots...

Intelligent Moldable Anatomic Based Organic Return, Expediting Dissipation In Dorsal Interossi Odor Tangle.

Basically, a flexible, lively boot, that doesn't make your feet stink. Well, at least a specific muscle in your foot.

I'M A BORED IDIOT would be the shorter, easier to read version.

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:smashfrea

I wonder if the MFG will take a post dated check for 2030.

Perhaps by then, there will not be any more snow with global warming and all.........

and Nate.... Yeah been over for a few weeks. I had my "final carve and bow-out" session at Stratton 2 weeks ago.

You can see and hear how CRAPTASTIC it was, but still had fun :) Any day on a plank O wood and not cooking in a kitchen is better than hot oil burns and lemonjuice in a wound anyday !

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