Jack M Posted June 8, 2006 Report Share Posted June 8, 2006 Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners..... 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30. 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Gendzwill Posted June 8, 2006 Report Share Posted June 8, 2006 Some of those are too good to be bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allee Posted June 8, 2006 Report Share Posted June 8, 2006 Are you still allowed to chase kids with power tools? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted June 9, 2006 Report Share Posted June 9, 2006 Are you still allowed to chase kids with power tools? It is an American tradition.... I'll never forget my dad chasing me with the Milwaukee "saws-all" I got him for Christmas......good times :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 9, 2006 Report Share Posted June 9, 2006 Wow, that was damn funny. I just got some strange looks from around the office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjvircks Posted June 9, 2006 Report Share Posted June 9, 2006 Reminds me of the time I chased my daughter around the back yard with a palm sander, trying to scrub spagetti sauce from her face. Everybody almost died laughing. But #14 is my favorite... caught me totally off guard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted June 10, 2006 Report Share Posted June 10, 2006 what's the internet link-I want to send this to my hubby.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 11, 2006 Report Share Posted June 11, 2006 22 is by far my favorite Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pow Posted June 11, 2006 Report Share Posted June 11, 2006 i like 10:biggthump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Posted June 12, 2006 Report Share Posted June 12, 2006 those are too funny. Like a joke thats too bad to laugh at but makes you laugh anyway because its not funny but that makes it funny. I tried.... Its been awhile since I was in high school when I fell in love like a lost puppy with a fresh can of Alpo. :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kipstar Posted June 14, 2006 Report Share Posted June 14, 2006 brilliant!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carvedog Posted June 14, 2006 Report Share Posted June 14, 2006 Thanks Jack - good way to start my day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eastcoasticerider Posted June 24, 2006 Report Share Posted June 24, 2006 Those are way too funny..... :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maciek Posted June 25, 2006 Report Share Posted June 25, 2006 Ooops :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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