Gotta love the english language

[Justin A.]

Stolen from www.lol.com :

If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!

Pursue at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (surprise!).

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose two geese, so one moose, two meese? Doesn't it seem crazy, that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

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Ford Thames 300E Specifications

[ncermak]

awesome...except that number isn't a word (it's "more numb") (I think)

personally I drive in a parkway and park in a driveway

[Jack M]

I read a study (heh, past tense) that said that the international language of business is rapidly becoming english, however this is actually bad for people who speak english as their native tounge. It's because two people who speak english as their second language can understand each other better than if one speaks it as their first language. People who learn english as a second language, or for business purposes typically only learn one meaning per word, so "right" only means the opposite of left, it does not also mean "correct". And so on.

[Justin A.]

English is also the official Aviation language. No matter where you go in the world, all aviation communications are spoken in english. Should be interesting to see once I get out into the rest of the world (meaning outside of New England). I've heard from some upperclassmen that Montreal Int'l has an ATIS (Air Traffic Information System) frequency thats in French, and they've gotten really confused because that is the frequency thats listed in the AFD, so they used it. But upon looking at the Sectional, they saw the english speaking frequency. Must be wierd...

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Gsr600

[skatha]

One of the funniest things I saw as a med student was my Italian resident arguing with my Pakistani nephrology fellow....it took them about 15 minutes to realize they were talking about 2 different patients....

ahhh, English as a second language.....

on another note, my brother the stockbroker went to Texas A&M, used to be Texas Agriculture and Mechanical College, where he majored in agricultural economics, strange since we grew up in the D/FW metroplex, home to 3.6 million people....

he's a freshman, this was a few years ago....he calls and says he has a question about one of his classes and he doesn't know who to ask...

"It's been 6 weeks, when are we going to stop talking about animal breeding?"

what's the name of the class, I ask

"Animal husbandry"

That's what the term "husband" means, dear....

[Allee]

English is also the official Aviation language. No matter where you go in the world, all aviation communications are spoken in english.

Wasn't that the thing about the German pilot who on landing at Frankfurt Airport was told to switch to English and said irritably 'I am a German citizen flying a German plane and landing at a German airport. Why must I speak English?" At which another pilot cut across the frequency and said "because you lost the bloody war" ...

[Justin A.]

Wasn't that the thing about the German pilot who on landing at Frankfurt Airport was told to switch to English and said irritably 'I am a German citizen flying a German plane and landing at a German airport. Why must I speak English?" At which another pilot cut across the frequency and said "because you lost the bloody war" ...

LMFAO!!!!

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Honda Pacific Coast specifications

[skatha]

Wasn't that the thing about the German pilot who on landing at Frankfurt Airport was told to switch to English and said irritably 'I am a German citizen flying a German plane and landing at a German airport. Why must I speak English?" At which another pilot cut across the frequency and said "because you lost the bloody war" ...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Actually, it was more the "disemination of technology"war....whoever sells the product picks the format.....

German is about as prickly as English to learn....I wonder if the two languages aren't linked in some sort of invading army in the Middle Ages way ;)

[kipstar]

both come from Latin right?

That everyone speaks one language is great. But I think it is really worth it to be able to speak other languages as well; there are concepts in other languages, and items of relatively more/less importance that are only clear if you speak the other language...

So if everyone speaks two or more languages, then everyone has more outlooks and insights on everyone else.

Plus, most importantly, girliez dem like da foreign ackent yo. Dat y when I be kickin it Wezt CoaZt style at Mammoth I b talkin like a unedukate like dis yo. Dem girlz like it.

but when I am in Compton don't you know, I assume an upper east side intellectual and talk all hi so and so on.

And when I be kicking it in Thailand, I talk English.

And when I am everywhere else I talk in Thai.

But hold on....I am still single!?! hmmmm....something is wrong here......

[Guest]

Both are quite far from latin.

English and German are very similar languages as they are both in the Germanic language family. If you look at any of the romantic languages (spanish, french, italian, portugese, romanian) they all have very different structure and vocabulary. And while English is more influenced by latin than german is, it is by no means a latin-based language.

[skatha]

I was just joking about the German-English tie, I was referring to the Angles and the Saxons invading the UK. Of course, there's an influence there. The Latin angle comes to play when the Normans invaded too. English is a kind of bastard language.

[dantheman0177]

I read a study

Jack, are you going to read it or have you already read it?

[Maciek]

I read a study (heh, past tense) that said that the international language of business is rapidly becoming english, however this is actually bad for people who speak english as their native tounge. It's because two people who speak english as their second language can understand each other better than if one speaks it as their first language. People who learn english as a second language, or for business purposes typically only learn one meaning per word, so "right" only means the opposite of left, it does not also mean "correct". And so on.

Actually, that study may not be quite precise. People who read in English (and I mean books and magazines) learn multiple meaning of English words. That does not mean they can pronounce them correctly (or understandably to native speakers) or use them fluently. I conducted study on myself... :D

In addition, the case of two folks with ESL you mentioned works similarily as jargon or slang. Try to understand two folks in the Bronx or two who knows where and I guarantee that your English is not good enough. No, nobody says they (meaning us with ESL) speak English ;) We just try to imitate you guys... with more or less success... just as you would if you tried to learn our languages. The learning curve may be steep sometimes, but heck as long as you understand us and we understand you it is good enough.

Now try to read pronounce:

Chrzaszcz brzmi w trzcinie w Szczebrzeszynie. (Do not worry even Poles have problem with that :D When we meet I will teach you.

[Gleb]

I learned english when I was 6 so its no problem, no accent for me. Today as we were talking with the realitor, my dad who has a really thick russian accent was able to easily understand my friend's dad, who spoke english with a thick Polish accent.

One thing i noticed throughout the years is that women have an easier time learning english than men. Weird.

[Maciek]

I learned english when I was 6 so its no problem, no accent for me. Today as we were talking with the realitor, my dad who has a really thick russian accent was able to easily understand my friend's dad, who spoke english with a thick Polish accent.

One thing i noticed throughout the years is that women have an easier time learning english than men. Weird.

I first started learning English when I was 9. First we learned in Poland from Polish teachers and it was sort of British English. I did not pay much attention. At the same time I learned Russian. Yes! You may not know, but it was mandatory language in Eastern Block. I had learned Russian for 11 years. I do not use it so I do not speak it (well a bit if I remember some words), but I understand it so no Russian's can feel comfortable around me speaking their lanugage ;) Anyway it is Slavic and Slavic languages resemble so much that one can understand even if not learning one (I actually have Croatian boss at work who knows she cannot speak Croatian in around me, because if I overhear I cannot help - I understand a lot of the talk. Now, in high school I learned German and graduated passing final test in German... but then again no use for many years. At university I picked English again... and got a full time job (yea - it was not a part time job - I worked night shifts) as a technicin in network of Casinos Poland (tech responsibliy for Casino Krakow when promoted to Head Technician). The funny part about that was when lady from the USA asked me to explain rules of some slot machine (yes I was disassemblying, repairing and setting parameters of slot machinses including so called P.O.P - do not ask what it is in Las Vegas or Atlantic City because they may throw you out :D Another funny part was when other US lady asked about P.O.P. and I had to turn her down on this kind of questions. Anyway it was fun to check roulette wheel bearings and Casiino Information System (CIS). They made me learn English communication. Scary at first time in the given environment. We had some celebrities, actors from all over the world. We also had gangsters who probably do not live anymore (including some though Russian criminals after Afghanistan war). I lived that for 2.5 years learning English and studying at university. No of our professors knew that students were dealers, technicians, cashiers, doormen, security officers at nights. Then when it was over and I started real job in my profession a few years later I came to the USA to work in IT. So here I am... with my accent and typos as Jack M. noticed so many times :p

[Gleb]

damn thats alot of exposure to alot of languages. I speak russian really poorly now because I never lived in a russian community after I moved to America. I barely spoke russian except to my grandparents and now my russian is so poor, its shameful. Also, my parents learned the british version of english aswell. I think thats what they teach to all eastern europeans.

I've been in Krakow, it was awesome!