carvedog Posted April 17, 2006 Report Share Posted April 17, 2006 After another snowy weekend we are still scheduled to close this upcoming weekend so I am looking for something to laugh about. I will offer mine up first. In the middle of one of our many powder days. I finally made it to the bathroom at one of our lodges. See the way it usually works is that I am riding the chair and feel the need to pee during the ride up. As soon as I get to the top I completely forget about anything but which of my stashes I am going to go rip. Forgetting completely about the prior biological need until I get on the chair at the bottom. After several cycles of this and not remembering to stop in the woods on the way down, I finally made it into the lodge. Bursting into the bathroom, I tossed my helmet and gloves on the counter by the sink and proceeded to the relief offered by the urinals. Hearing a strange sound in the empty bathroom I turned to look at the source which was my helmet rolling around on the counter in a wobbly elliptical path, slowly heading towards the sink. This would not be a problem except that this was one of those auto turn on sinks and at the point I was, there would be no moving from the urinal for a bit. So I watched helplessly as my helmet finally made its way to the sink and triggered the faucet to turn on. A strange combo of relief, WTF and Murphy's Lawism settled over me. I could do nothing but laugh at the ridiculousness of the moment and myself. I dried my helmet as best I could and went an got my hat next trip to the bottom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted April 17, 2006 Report Share Posted April 17, 2006 So many stories about why it's better to be female-pee can stop on a dime.... okay, here's one. My dad purchased a RV when I was about 13 for 3 week long summer excursions-picture the movie "Vacation" except in a RV, my dad even looked like Chevy Chase at the time..... We stop to get gas at a station in Chicago. Everybody piles out to check for candy, stretch the legs, etc. Gas is purchased and everybody(my dad thinks) gets back in. Thirty minutes later, my mom asks where my brother Gene is..... Dad just assumed he was in the can and took off.... Fortunately, Gene is hanging out with the service station attendent.... or, different RV...my dad is headed toward Corpus Christi with Jeep in tow as a dingy vehicle. He has a rear facing camera which he never uses and the Jeep tow bar has safety chains..... they are motoring down I-37 and a car pulls up "didn't you used to be towing a Jeep?" Fortunately, it just crashed through a fence, no cars involved....the rancher is there when my dad finds the Jeep "How much to fix the fence?" "How much ya got?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdboytyler Posted April 17, 2006 Report Share Posted April 17, 2006 ...Hearing a strange sound in the empty bathroom I turned to look at the source which was my helmet rolling around on the counter in a wobbly elliptical path, slowly heading towards the sink. If you had done some Kegel excercises, you could have pinched off the pee stream and saved your helmet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyYT316 Posted April 18, 2006 Report Share Posted April 18, 2006 Ok, so I had to pee too, and I was listening to some music with one earbud in. My jacket has a little bungee loop that holds them near the collar. I unzipped my jacket to pee, then I saw the little rubber pad from my earbud pop off and into the urinal. I had ideas to just reach in and grab it, because afterall it was just water. But I went over to the sink to grab a kleenex box to fish it out. Then I realized it was a auto flusher, it flushed my rubber pad down the urinal! even if I had gotten it out, I would have washed it before using it again. So I went to best buy to see if they had any pad things for sale, but nope. There's some $30 earbuds sitting around my house with only one pad. But while I was at Nationals I picked up some earcandy earbuds for $10! Sweet replacement too. Maybe there should be an abort button on the auto flush and auto faucets for such an emergency. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crucible Posted April 18, 2006 Report Share Posted April 18, 2006 About 10 years ago, I was teaching my girlfriend at that time how to snowboard on Mt. Baker in Washington State. Those of you familiar with this hill know about the very steep unload ramps that exist off of every chairlift on this mountain- it's famous (or infamous) enough to cause much mayhem and hilarity. After we spend some time on the bunny hill, she decides that it's time to get on the lift and start her first true run. We load the chair no problem, and eventually find ourselves coming to the end of the line and a steep unload ramp. "Keep the board flat and straight, and your back foot weighted on the stomp pad to stay in control as you go down the ramp" are my parting instructions. She proceeds to barrel down this ramp at high speed (I told her it would be steep!), and then collapses at the bottom of the ramp and begins to scream in pain. "ooooooh, NOT GOOD," I'm thinking to myself as I steer towards her. Maybe it's a torn ACL, or a sprained ankle. As I get to her, she's white as a ghost and still screaming. "My snowboard just raped me!" she groans.... Apparently she had kept the the highback straight up on the back binding, and it had impaled her right in the crotch as she fell down off the ramp. The ski patrol had a tough time keeping a straight face as they loaded her onto the toboggan. The volunteer ER doctor who was female at the base of the hill raised an eyebrow when they brought her in and said "Well, here's one that I don't see very often". Kristy then had the added indignity of having her report chosen as the "Injury of the Year" by Mt. Baker's ski patrol for that season. Oh yeah, and needless to say, no action for George that trip.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wvrocks Posted April 18, 2006 Report Share Posted April 18, 2006 Oddly enough, there was a scenario in the NSP refresher study guide that contained nearly the same type of incident. Wonder if they got the idea from your girlfriend's fall? ________ Ebony Cams Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erik J Posted April 18, 2006 Report Share Posted April 18, 2006 I emailed this story about my brother to some friends this winter. It's sort of a "haha you fell down the stairs" kind of story that has nothing to do with snowboarding - but then you only asked for funny. I saved what I wrote so here ya go... So, my brothers’ band started doing well, he quit his corporate job and was looking forward to blowing his severance pay in Mexico.<O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p My brother found out that the jails in Mexico live up to their name. <O:p</O:p So he's up to his 10th or 11th bar and buying beer by the buckets. He feels that he was shorted a few beers with the waitress' last delivery. He approaches the bartender and attempts to make a joke about the bartenders’ mistake. My brother is a restaurant kitchen guy and all he knows is very direct kitchen Spanish - it's not exactly the kind of language you'd want to bring home to a Mexican mom. So instead of saying to the bartender "ha ha jokes on me, I'm the @sshole" he figures out (a few days later) that he said something more like "you f*%^#d me you @sshole". The bartender then called over four of his friends that jumped on my brother and proceeded to kick and punch him to the floor. <O:p</O:p Chris (my brother) is now on the floor of a dirty bar in Tijuana, drunk and being beaten by four Mexicans. Does it get any better? Why yes, it does. Chris says he was a little dazed but comfortably numb during the beating. In addition to kicks to the ribs and punches to the head, one of the guys punched Chris in the eye at which point our Viking bloodline was awakened after centuries of being unaroused (apparently a lot like not having enough practice in speaking a foreign language such as Spanish, except that Chris' Spanish speaking failed him miserably). Chris seemed to fully realize what was going on at that point and turned the tables on the situation, thoroughly beating into oblivion all four guys. He says it was surprisingly easy even though we are not a violent clan of brothers. During the now infamous “Mexican Beat-down of Tijuana 2005” one of the guys escapes to the kitchen to either run away or to get something really bad. Chris doesn't wait to find out and runs at full speed out into the street. My brothers’ friend has no idea any of this is going on and sees Chris bolt out of the bar. Chris yells back to his friend that has followed him into the street to "get a cab and head for the border". <O:p</O:p Chris is now the crazy gringo with bloody fists running through the streets of Tijuana scaring the crap out of people that see him running toward them down the street. What our family lacks in brainpower we make up for in speed on foot. Chris was state champ in cross-country in high school and runs regularly. At 6'1", he's got a long gait to boot that no Mexican is going to catch - especially not with turbo beer-boosters kicking in like nitrous to a hot rod. Chris makes a clean getaway from the bar only to be tackled by the Policia at the first chance he gets to catch his breath. They grind his face into the pavement and handcuff him, toss him into their car and Chris was now in a place of legend that no human wants to be in - off to a Mexican jail. On the ride to the jail in the back of the Policia car, he's yelling into his cell phone which is in his handcuffed hands, which is connected to his friends cell phone that's heading for the border. <O:p</O:p So then Chris gets thrown into jail. He describes about forty Mexicans crammed into the dirtiest cell one can imagine. He’s the one and only gringo, but he's tall, bloody and at this point fire-eyed and not about to take any sh!t. Every ten minutes on the dot, a Policia official would open the cell and enter with a billy club. The officer would choose someone at random and beat them for no apparent reason other than to keep everyone in line and on edge. Chris was never touched. He's not even sure if the Policia knew why they were arresting him other than the fact that he was running down the street, drunk and bloody. I guess that type of behavior sends up a red flag. <O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p Chris' buddy bails him out the next day for 100$ no questions asked. My brother got damn lucky if you ask me. Some people spend months or years or worse lost in the system. For 100$ he's got a story to cross off of the life list and something to tell the grandkids when they get older. He starts a new job on Monday (tomorrow) with a heavily makeup covered black eye compliments of his very understanding but shocked girlfriend. Lucky bastard.<O:p</O:p All facts are true; I've added adjectives and storytelling antics where necessary. That's my story and I'm stickin’ to it. <O:p</O:p ...I have no idea how to spell Tijuana….never mind - even spell-check has heard the legend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skatha Posted April 18, 2006 Report Share Posted April 18, 2006 About 10 years ago, I was teaching my girlfriend at that time how to snowboard on Mt. Baker in Washington State. Those of you familiar with this hill know about the very steep unload ramps that exist off of every chairlift on this mountain- it's famous (or infamous) enough to cause much mayhem and hilarity. After we spend some time on the bunny hill, she decides that it's time to get on the lift and start her first true run. We load the chair no problem, and eventually find ourselves coming to the end of the line and a steep unload ramp. "Keep the board flat and straight, and your back foot weighted on the stomp pad to stay in control as you go down the ramp" are my parting instructions. She proceeds to barrel down this ramp at high speed (I told her it would be steep!), and then collapses at the bottom of the ramp and begins to scream in pain. "ooooooh, NOT GOOD," I'm thinking to myself as I steer towards her. Maybe it's a torn ACL, or a sprained ankle. As I get to her, she's white as a ghost and still screaming. "My snowboard just raped me!" she groans.... Apparently she had kept the the highback straight up on the back binding, and it had impaled her right in the crotch as she fell down off the ramp. The ski patrol had a tough time keeping a straight face as they loaded her onto the toboggan. The volunteer ER doctor who was female at the base of the hill raised an eyebrow when they brought her in and said "Well, here's one that I don't see very often". Kristy then had the added indignity of having her report chosen as the "Injury of the Year" by Mt. Baker's ski patrol for that season. Oh yeah, and needless to say, no action for George that trip.... Owwwwwww......keep your highbacks down...... She's lucky she didn't get a laceration. One of my most memorable ER patients was a woman who racked herself on the top bar of a closed frame bicycle(AKA "boy's bike) She had a laceration from her clit, around the vulva, all the way to the anus-it took me about a hour to fix and I couldn't really numb her up all the way and I did use the whole bottle of lidocaine....Her first question was "when can I resume my wifely duties" First I said, when you feel up to it, then she repeated the question just as before. My tech asked me how I came up with the 6 weeks number-I told her that any woman who refers to sex as a "wifely duty" doesn't like it too much... steep ramps are no problem as long as they are not icy... My hubby's former exec assistant blew her ACL on an off ramp at Heavenly her first and last time out on a snowboard.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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