OT: Who would win in a fight?

[AndyYT316]

Who would win in a fight? Imagine a 3 way fight between Walker Texas Ranger, Mr. T, and Mike Ditka. Just curious, but I think I'd put my money on Walker.

[NMU Alpine Boarder]

Vin Diesel would smite them all with his pinky toe

[surfinsmiley]

Walker was trained by BRUCE. My money`s on Walker.

[Erik J]

I have found indisputable proof via the internet that Chuck Norris would win hands down - read on...

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he cant do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

Chuck Norris ate his weight at Godfathers pizza.

Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat piss into gasoline.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris';more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris'robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from plur-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single, however, so it was divided.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.

Chuck Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

One day Chuck Norris went shopping and he had grabbed the last can of pea soup off the counter. Just then Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Godzilla walked in and turned to Chuck Norris and said, "Give us the pea soup Buck Morris!" right then Chuck Norris turned around and went, "The name is Chuck Norris!" and he brutally anniliated all three of them. The pea soup tasted especially good that night.

Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at your grimly.

Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.

Chuck Norris once ejaculated solid gold into a river in India, bringing profit to the local villagers and causing him to be worshiped as a God.

Chuck Norris convinced Anakin Skywalker to join the Dark Side of the Force.

Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris can't eat while standing upright.

Chuck Norris fought a pirate once. It was close but the pirate won. Chuck has been in a state of chronic depression ever since.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

One drop of Chuck Norris' sweat can cure you of anything, even death.

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to spell doom in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.

Chuck Norris's heart beats once every full moon.

Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

Chuck Norris signed the Declaration Of Independance, The Bill Of Rights, and the Constitution while plundering a poor asian village.

The movie "The Ring" is actually just a Chuck Norris biography.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it&'s getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas bilndfolded, while having sex with 3 women.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you have seen in your entire life.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris house is a Total Gym.

Ecstacy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture found only the skull of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris put the k in hardkore.

Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole in the ozone layer.

Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.

Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, "The names Norris; Chuck Norris."

[Mike Tokar]

That was the funniest thing I ever read on this forum. After reading that, I think that if Chuck Norris stared at Mr. T, he'd be so scared that he'd jump in the chopper with that crazy A-Team pilot guy and beg to taken away from "that round house kickin' fool."

[jdgang]

Thats the best website

Chuck Norris

[NMU Alpine Boarder]

Dude, Vin Diesel would make Chuck Norris cry like a little schoolgirl... Here's his rap sheet (PG-13):

Vin Diesel doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Vin Diesel.

Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions **** themselves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

Circles exist because Vin Diesel beat the crap out of some squares.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULL****!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Whenever Vin Diesel plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.

When Vin Diesel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

Vin Diesel once shot Reno just to watch a city die.

[Guest rc30rob]

Boys vin cant be that good he had a stand in for the boarding in xxx perhaps he is a skier !!!!!

[Erik J]

Be careful, Chuck Norris can hear and understand what you are typing from 1000 miles away - he doesn't need a computer.

If Chuck Norris hears this debate he might decide to sniff ground black pepper and sneeze the earth into another time dimension, at which point he will round house kick all of us back to this one except we will all have our DNA rearranged to put our heads and @sses directly facing each other a mere inches apart. That's how Chuck tells jokes. If we don't laugh at the joke we will all be asked to go to hell...and we will simply go because it's Chuck Norris.

I'm just trying to protect the human race.

[Guest rc30rob]

as we speak BRUCE (mr lee) to the rest of you is in heaven training elvis for a come back(it will take a while elvis still has a bit of a burger ,weight problem) then he,s coming back and WATCH OUT! armed only with boiled noodles for nun chuckas mr t ,diesel engine and chuck who? will run away and ask the Dhali lama for protection,as only a God could ask Mr lee to leave them alone .Mr lee may consider this request,who knows.Look what happened to Mr miagi 127 dan black belt in origami Bruce told him to take up gardening" it safer".Remember its like a finger pointing to the moon,DONT concentrate on the finger or u will miss all the heavenly gwory.

[Kirk]

Enter the Dragon has MANY wonderful quotes. Some VERY intimidating language from "the Little Dragon" too.

For instance:

When the little doughboy opens the door and asks Mr. Lee why "he no in uniform"?

He simply says (with his foot still in the air at eye-level) "O U T S I D E!"

Little doughboy simply lowers his head, cowers and leaves. NO further argument!

Whoa!

[Guest rc30rob]

Mr lee stands in the shadows ready to strike,mr t(south parks chef) vin (mini me)deisel and chuck(they only let me have crayons and chalk in the home )norris pail into insignificance.Iraqs republican guard,Mr lee ,the whole Argantinian army ,navy and air force kicked out of the falklands ,Mr lee.Thats why the Sas,mosad and the Green berries keep quiet and dont tell Mr lee,he isnt dead just not making any more films

[rikytheripster]

Tony Jaa would take them all, anyone whos seen Ong Bak would agree; the guy is insaannnnnne!

[Erik J]

Millions of years ago when the earth was forming, Chuck Norris crapped rocks. Some of these crap rocks eventually evolved into humans. It just goes to show you how powerful Chuck Norris really is. We evolved from organic organisms but Chucks rock poo evolved into people like that guy from Ong Bak, Bruce Lee, the Samurai of old, Vin Diesel, etc. In fact anyone that has mastered martial arts is descended from Chuck Norris' poo.

These people owe their very exsistence to Chuck and, lest they forget, Chuck will roundhouse their rock-poo-evolved @sses back to the pre-cambrian period.

[Guest rphillips]

You voted for Vin Diesel

[Erik J]

Careful rphillips, Chuck doesn't like people judging others, that's his job - the judge, jury and roundhouse executioner.

[Guest rphillips]

You're right Erik...sorry Chuck

[Erik J]

You're lucky you apologized, I thought I felt the earths rotation slowing down. That usually means Chuck is harnessing energy for a roundhouse kick.

[terror]

Where the hell is all this Chuck Norris stuff coming from? It's invaded every forum/site I browse. No more Chuck!

[Erik J]

Is that you Chuck? Are you testing us?

[Aisling]

LMAO you guys are killin me :lol:

[AndyYT316]

The only reason I started this is because I was getting bored in the long lift line this weekend and wondered who would win. Two out of 3 people in the line thought Chuck would win. I still think that Chuck would win, but I'd also like to hear from people who think Ditka and Mr T would win. Da bears. Chuck is listening...

[Kirk]

Wow! My wife was thinking about enrolling at a local fitness center, but with all this talk, I think I'll just get her a TotalGym and call it good! Don't want to piss Chuck off From what it sounds like, he could very well be monitoring fitness clubs around the country. I've heard of people being found outside of local fitness clubs unconscious, severe head truama, and with something that resembles a shoe print on the side of their head/face. Nope, don't want any of that I'm scrolling through the channels looking for the infomercials RIGHT NOW!

[dantheman0177]

Look, it all depends on where the fight was held, because if it happens to be anywhere that has access to a film canister lid, chewing gum, a half brick, a pocket knife and an old tyre, Mr T has it covered. He would just build himself a rocket launcher and blow the other two up. Simple, yet ingenious, in an A-Team kinda way.

[kipstar]

Tony Jaa would take them all, anyone whos seen Ong Bak would agree; the guy is insaannnnnne!

The guy is very very cool; how come you know this film?!!! I know it was sold overseas, but it was on at lots of places/!!!??

You should see him on Thai TV sometimes; doing these crazy stunts; he was a pretty decent muay Thai fighter as well before that :-)