Golf Joke

[C5 Golfer]

A fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"

The first fellow said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, and while counting his $80, the second guy confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."

[utahcarver]

LMAO! C5, can I offer another golf-inspired joke?

Two old duffers were playing the back nine which bordered the old highway into town. As the one player prepared to birdie his putt into the pin on a par 3 a long funeral procession passed on the highway just a few yards away. It took over 5 minutes for the procession to pass.

As the cars rolled by, the old duffer stopped his approach, removed his tam and bowed his head. When the procession had passed, he resumed his stance and birdied the hole.

"I'm as astonished as I could ever be", his partner Sam stated. "I've known you for over 40 years as a golf partner. You've never allowed ANYTHING to interfere with your golf game. You are the most devoted golf player I've ever known. And here you stand with you head bowed and removing your cap to acknowledge this person who has passed. And you birdied the hole in spite of the distraction. You completely amaze me."

"Well, for gawdsakes, Sam, I lived with her for over 40 years, that was the least I could do for the woman", offered the non-plussed duffer.

[Vahur]

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is.

“Top of the mornin to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick ‘hello’ and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

“What are those”, asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.

“Well, what on God’s earth are dey for.” inquires the Irishman.

“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.

“****in Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything.”