Washington Post Neologism contest results

[V*L*A*D]

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have

gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly

answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are

run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by

proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with

Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,

when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by

Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops

bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows

little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose

of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the

subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism, spray-painted very very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the

person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running

late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra

credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these

really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's

like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter

when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after

you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into

your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in

the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole

[Gleb]

:lol:

not bad this year. Not bad at all.

[Jack M]

Pokemon.... OMGROTFLMAOBBQ :lol:

[Justin A.]

That's some quality stuff right there...

[skipuppy]

I just did a mass e-mail for this one :p Merci beaucoup

[V*L*A*D]

Hey- i'm here all week, try the veal, tip your waitress.....