Rope a Deer?

[Jack M]

for some reason I just find this funny....

got this in an email forward... source unknown...

---------------------------------

Rope a Deer?

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall,

feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step

in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they

congregated

at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we

are

there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags

of

feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it

should

not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its

head

(to

calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The

cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They

were

not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up...3 of

them.

I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the

feeder,

and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I

wrapped

the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good

hold.

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was

mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step

towards

it.

It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received

an

education.

The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand

there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to

action when

you

start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT

stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I

could

fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That

thing

ran

and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and

certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and

started

dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer

on

a

rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The

only

up

side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A

brief

10

minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my

feet

and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to

realize

this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big

gash

in my head.

At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted

to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I

just

let

it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow

and

painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me

and

that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a

guess

that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the

several

large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by

bracing my

head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground,

I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a

small

chance

that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we

were

in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death. I

managed

to

get it lined up to back in between my truck and the feeder...a little

trap

I had set beforehand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back

in

there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years

would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very

surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer

grabbed hold of my

wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where

they

just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its

head...almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The

proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and

draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method

was

ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes,

but

it

was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though

you

may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it

busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my

left hand

and

pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on

their back

feet

and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are

surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal

like

a

horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily,

the

best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive

move

towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit

so

you

can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such

trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a

different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The

reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse

that

paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in

the

back

of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all,

besides

being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I

turned

to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not

immediately

leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed.

What

they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while

you

are

laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I

finally

managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split

open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty

good

and

felt

broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was

bleeding in

a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from

most

of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op.

I

got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like ****.

The

guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out

yelling "what happened"

I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit

an

individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that

they

have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law

enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was

concerned

that

they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as

criminal. I swear....not wanting to admit that I had done something

monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was

attacked by a deer." I did not mention that at the time I had a rope

on

it.

The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my

jacket

where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face

where it

had struck me there. [

I asked him to call somebody to come get me...I didn't think I could

make it home on my own. He did.

Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted

to

know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare

thing

and

wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe

the

attack as completely and accurately as I could...I was filling the

grain

hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the

****

out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.

EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at

the co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their

kids in

the

house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles

when

they filled their feeders. I have told several people the story, but

NEVER

anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an

outsider...a "city folk"...I have enough trouble fitting in without

them

snickering behind my back and whispering "there is the dumb-ass that

tried

to rope the deer."

[carvedog]

Nice one Jack.

ROTFLMAO. Good for a couple of belly laughs for sure.

[Dr D]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I have never gotten the full details but family lore holds that my dad and uncle held a bright light on a deer at night in their orchard and one of them tackled it.

No one seems to know who got the privelidge of holding the light since they both came home half dead.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[pebu]

That was pretty good. One of my math teachers told us of a time that he and his buddy had a 2x12 spanning two trees for their tree stand. Well, they both fell asleep (who hasn't) and when they woke up there just happened to be a big ol buck right beneath the board. My teachers buddy got the bright idea. He grabbed his knife and went out to the center of the board, all while my teacher was silently telling him not to. Long story short, a buck can kick your ass long before you can jump out of a tree and cut his throat.